The Heart Contents Of PeaceZ

Dream within a dream? or Reality in Denial?

2010-08-20T22:53:00.004+08:00

Its almost a year and in 115 days im going to ORD and be free yet...All this still feels as if its a dream. And i just cant seem to wake up and face reality.hmm

Some unspoken words lies within that i ve longed wanted to say but hmm.

Anyway just another rant.

Not everybody get the way i feel
The nooks and crany of my heart
The ins and outs of my inner self
The uncontrollable wave inside me

Its not that i do not want
Nor the fact that i do not care
its just not me
Uts the thing i do that defines me

Its not that i do not like single lyfe
Nor its that im going after a r/s
But my heart is overflowing with love
Just for the sake of caring and showering love

I know that the state im in
Is very confusing and hard to subtle with
Its like a huge burning fire inside
Or a huge wave that coincides

My heart and mind are saying different things
One wishes to remain single and free
while the other wishes to have someone for me
But they both agree that im not ready for either

What is so hard
I never did understand
What is so tough
I never could imagine

But what i do realise
I live for myself rite now
For my family and god
And that i guess is above all.

:)

2010-06-07T20:45:00.002+08:00

Hey world :)

I am happier now.
I finally saw your true colours my dear past.
And im happy to say it aint beautiful no more.
I have moved on now knowing what i lost was damn worth it.

You aint meant for me and thats what HE has been trying to show me :)
I have NEVER posted any bad comments about you and yet u were disappointing.
And i stop believing in the fact that the past comments wasnt about me. coz i stop trusting you now.

I tried to think you were worth it and you were nice enuf not to do bad things but oh boy was i wrong.
And by saying i din even sacrifise just for you? Thats it my fren. After all i did and that was what you said? hehe

My heart is finally free now.
I was in deep trouble trying to fall for someone whom my heart has lyk for so long.
Because ur memories stopped me from falling in love all over again.
And also to the fact that i do not want to be unfair to her.
But you moved on fairly easily. :)

For someone else.
It has been hard for this past 8 months.
I never really told you because i din ever want to burden you
Whats with troubles within you and your heart
And the never lasting lies and deceit from other guys.

I never wanted you to fall all over again
I wanted you to fully trust me before i could go on.
And i wasnt really ready for anything
But now that i moved on, i can really try.

For 6 months now that i knew you
I lyked you ever since i first met you.
And yet i never could admit because i fear of myself.
And never had i found someone so similar to me.

Someone whom i cld relate my lyfe to
Despite not needing me to share my stories
I already knew how similar you were to me
But pardon me for not admiting how much u meant to me.

As and when u ask how long i would be your fren
I cldnt really answer for i do not wish to lie
For i did wish we cld be more than frens
But not now as both of us aint ready.

And to the fact that you couldnt ride a bike
I respect that truly
And i wud take public any day just to be with you
All because of how much u actually meant to me

Thru u i actually learned alot.
Now i strive to achieve the best for myself
To be stable before truly going after you
And to be able to say im ready soon enuf.

Thank you my fren
Someday ill admit to you
But for now please have Patience
When the time comes and fate decides, ill be there for you forever as and when i could :)

Am i turning 22?

2010-05-12T22:39:00.002+08:00

Heylo people!

I know i dun update frequently and only when i felt lyk it.
And today is just one of those days.

a year ago, it was just soo different. I felt as if i was on top of the world. Happy, satisfied and so looking forward to May 13 but today, it just seems lyk another normal day.

And tomorrow too will be another normal day. I just feel as if i was raise so high up and dropped all the way down. It just feels sooo empty. A birthday off? hmm looks lyk ill be spending my time in the library the whole day reading or something... i cant figure it out yet hehe.

However i am thankful of one thing. And i believe its enuf to be satisfied of my bday this yr in 2010. And that is knowing you. The girl with an awesome attitude and a pretty smile and a special accented-voice :) Beautiful.

Its okae if i dun have the chance to get close or to even know u better yet. Ill try but only HE decides whats best for you. Knowing you for this 5 months helped me face many fears and troubles.

No matter how tml goes, at least im thankful i survived. Its sad really. I wished nothing changed last yr till this but i guess HE has better plans for her. I guess ill just have to move on.

Thank you Allah S.W.T

This was dated November 15, 2009

2010-05-08T00:34:00.004+08:00

Hmm i wanted to pull the memories of the past down from my facebook NOTES as i was hiding it all along. however some memories are best to be kept, not because i cldnt move on but because it reminds me of what made me who i am today.

So for memory keepsake, i shall store it here.
----------------------------------------------------------
YOU.

For all i know and realise
Nothing in this world ever mattered
Nothing at all not even myself
I never learnt to care nor to love

That is till i met YOU
You taught me what it is to be humble
To care and to love
To realise that i am nothing by myself

You are the world to me
Nothing and i really mean nothing
Scares me more than losing you
It feels lyk its the end for me

You are what kept me going
The one that made me move
The one that made me realise
that i can make a difference

Please do not think that you were a hindrance
The truth is that you are my fuel
Without you i ll stop moving
I truly deeply need you.

I know that im not good enuf for you
And i truly apologise
I try my best to be someone
But you are always good enuf for me.

Please do not leave me
unless you truly have a good reason
Maybe if you really stop loving me
Or you found your mr Right
Then i have no right to stop you

But please do note that
You truly are my everything
And i truly beg you please do not leave me hanging
And i know you dun tink that i am trying

But truth be told i always am giving and trying my best for you.
Please give me a second chance at the very least ?
For i truly love you like there's no other.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And this below was dated May 12 2009, Just 4 days more to one year old and one day before my birthday.

Shd anyone ask what makes my beautiful day
Its not the sun nor the moon
Its something underneath the clouds
Its just you my beautiful one :)

The one who shines and
Light up my gloomy days
The one who darkens the sun and
makes it just right.

Shd anyone ask what was i referring to
Its not just anyone that was in my mind
Its just something that simplifies my lyfe
Its just you my sweetest one :)

---------------------------------------------------------------

Now goodbye my old love. Its time i truly move on just the same as how you had aldy done so.

Its time to bury my memories and start planting the seeds to a new future.

hmm(2)

2010-04-03T00:13:00.002+08:00

its been a long while isnt it.

I did some quiz before and found out some things that it said were true... About love that is. Ill only stay truthful and in love only when the other half still loves me and have feelings for me. Should some day she loses those, i am crushed of coz because i wud never stop loving someone that i truly love should she still loves me but should the day comes that she lost that feeling... Its gone. ill fall of coz greatly for quite ahwhile but the will come when i realise that to truly love, u have to let go...
If she is meant for you she'll come back if not let it free.

And slowly ill stop loving her myself and totally lose everything and start anew. i realise that its no use to keep that feelings since its now very one sided and hurting me alot. So why bother rite? let it go of coz haha. ill miss her, i really will lyk now haha but its okae the feelings gone though. I just hope she realises that i dun feel she made the right decision but then again who am i to say those rite?

I dunno i feel that i was perfect for her coz i dun believe she can find guys lyk me easily whom truly loves... yes i know im not perfect but there are things that i can really change if u put ur mind and will to make me change u know. if u think by just running away and hope to find a much better or equal guy... i wish u luck though it would hurt to see u get hurt in the future for not everyone will be as nice as me for not hurting ur feelings or letting u go.

well im sorry for ranting out, just thought its been ahwhile since i last shared my heart content. And as for now i am satisfyingly moving on heh and no im not happy but at least i am okae. I realise my life is empty now. I dun blame you for this but i realise i spend too much time with you that i lost track of all my old frens and i have to slowly get them back now and spend countless of times being alone. Since you hated gathering with ppl and meeting them just to lepak, now i have trouble getting back on their circle of frens. Sheesh im lonely haha. And no i dun blame you.

Hmm something random. I saw a fren asked whats "true love" and from what i read, it just stated things that ppl wants to hear while being in love haha. Its not the truth people its just something that will make you ppl feel good while reading it... Haha i came out with the real definition of those and i din replied to that fren coz i din want to burst their bubble heh.

Here goes... *oh crap its at work place haha i guess ill reupdate this part when im at work*

Anyway lets continue.. hmm lyfe's been fine actually. I am moving on along just fine and looking on the bright side of lyfe here. Only around 8 months to ORD oh ! haha still a very long time but its okae i guess. After that its work + study for me and i know ppl will be thinking thats hard! yes i know it is but i just cant lay down and take 2 -3 yrs to study while earning nothing or very little all this while... Right now i have no cpf and a savings of less than 2000. which sux.

Look on the bright side while studying and working, ill have the income to live a better lyfe. :)
And i have this new dream today. instead of saving up to buy a car... instead i shall first save up to bring my parents and my lil brother overseas for a holiday on MY TREAT! haha. any where will do ... maybe a drive to genting? or maybe fly to bangkok? haha it depends. (Though i still very much hope my dad buys a car haha)

As for having another half... i guess itll take ahwhile... took me years to get ain and sufina and it sure will take a long time to get another.Im glad both of em is doing fine in their lives though, one an ICA and the other some sort of kindergarten or nursery teacher? haha. Alhamdulillah... May Allah s.w.t bless them with good life ahead.

As for a certain someone, i dunno she has this very identical personality as i did and im starting to move forward but yet before i even made any move if feels lyk she just brought me down or as they say Shunted me away before i came. haha. Well i was down this few days thinking abt if i should back away and not disturb her or did lyk what i did with ain and move on and stay strong. Well it all started with frens before one starts to fall in love rite?

I din made a move earlier because i felt guilty of moving on too fast... The thot of betraying my previous and also the thot that she mite be a rebound but when i realise you moved on faster than i did, i realise its all just me and my feelings. My conscience as they say it.. Now i guess i can move on with a clear conscience. 3 months, no move and shunted. oh cool! haha

I guess the reason why is because i can relate well with you. You had a bad past and yet ur stronger than before and you stayed strong without stereotyping guys. Thats some attitude that moved me and i had always fallen for people with whom i can relate too and also help to stand up and you seem to fall within that category and ur personality is just awesome as well.

I know u aint ready and so am i so i guess ill continue going slowly coz i hope shd there be a next one i wish for it to last till eternity though who am i to say rite? Thats just me... i hope every one whom i fall for will be the last and i wun stop loving her till she stops loving me. Thats just how i am. If i had fallen for you truly... there is nothing to stop that feelings.....

Im lonely. period. and with my looks and height... i need to put in a LOT of extra effort to get someone.

Haish~

Biarlah Rahsia,
Hatiku senyap dipinta
Hidupku sunyi dimata
Jiwaku seorang saja

While i was lost in the nothingness
I waited and waited for you
But you never came
Yet u never even called.

Drown in the sea of hope
There was never you at all
Its just fallen hope all around
Drowning me deeper within.

Its all about dreams
Never about reality
As we know dreams dun come true
And reality just brings us down

Dreams kept reality alive
even though we know its far fetched
At least it brought hope in us
And helps us move along

Hmm

2010-02-02T10:49:00.002+08:00

And the world is cruel and cold.
Just so you know.

As i heard the stories told
And all the problems unfold
All my confidence are sold
As we know the world is cold.

As i sat by watching the beauty of this world, i realise that not everything is as it seems.
I realize that i am lucky to be in this family of mine. With everything complete.

Not everyone has this luxury to be in this kind of family... Some doesnt have a complete one at all. While others only has themselves with no siblings and just a mum. Others have divorced parents.

Why am i not thankful enough? Why do i feel that the problems surrounding me is too much when its nothing compared to theirs? Others are not brought up without the love of a father. And yet they fought their way through.

Problems as i used to say are avoidable though its inevitable. We cant run away from them coz they will keep hunting us as we go along.

I had to take time off this two days coz i cldnt take it. Whats with her and those status in fb which hurts me like nobody business. Dun she realise the reason why my status are either neutral or nothing at all? Its to care for her feelings. I din even wrote the wish to forget her or anything. And yet u wish to erase your past.ME.

The only reason i moved on was because u said it would never be the same. Do u even think i was that capable of moving on? I dun understand why it hurts u so much. Have u ever thought of the fact that if it hurts u that much, it would hurts me at least twice of what u felt? u left me.

Hmm. What made matters worst. I tried to take time off my going to the dam but the friend whom was with me, made it worst by making me listen to a painful song. and asking me to be quiet at the same time? Only God knows how i felt then. And yesterday at work, she even became mean to the point i just had to leave.

I just had to retract back to my shell. U know the point of when u just felt u want to be alone and not be bothered by anyone at all? haha that was how i felt.

I just wish i could run away. Having feelings for someone new hurts as well. Coz u may never know how it will all turn out all over again. Even though i may wish for it, But the pain is unbearable. Hmm i fear that its unfair to both. And i fear that rejection i never had for 3 years.

Ouh im getting back to the right path now. Hopefully to change for the better.

I dunno why my head feels lyk spinning around rite now. hehe.

Oh well lets leave that all behind shall we?

The troubles that seem here to stay
Are making my head dizzy and sway
The smile that i once thot i had
Is running away as it once did

A smile so true yet so fake
A happiness that just fade
A smart mind without any use
And lastly romance of nothingness.

2010-01-28T10:14:00.004+08:00

Blame it on me.

I know im imperfect
I know im full of flaws
I know i lack many things
But ill never stop loving myself.

Forgive me for all that i have done
Be it big small medium or huge
For all i know
I tried my best to be better

Seandai benar aku tidak cukup sifat
Tegurlah diriku.
Seandai aku telah melakukan terbaik
Pujilah diriku.
Seandai aku telah berdosa,
Maafilah aku.
Dan seandai bila aku sudah tiada
Do'a kan lar diriku.

----------------------------------
Parts of what im able to rewrite again.. hopefully slowly itll come back soon.

2010-01-25T17:19:00.001+08:00

someone sent me this message i thought i sud share it wiv d brotherz n
sistaz in dis forum! Inshallah it is useful

The Ummah of today have abandoned salah but if we knew what it was worth we
would never miss another prayer again, not for any wedding or party. I never
used to pray but after I read this I regretted every salaat I ever missed.

Ka'b(R.A.) says that he saw in the Taurat that Allah Ta'ala said to
Musa(a.s.):
'O Musa! For the two rakaats of Fajr prayer that Ummah of Muhammad (s.a.w)
will perform, We will forgive all their sins of the whole day and night and
enter them into the fort of Our security.

O Musa! For each of the four rakaats of Zuhr, which the Ummah of Muhammad
perform, the reward is seperate. For the first kaat, the reward is
forgiveness of sins, for the second rakaat, the reward is that his good
deeds will be made heavy on the Day of Judgment, fot the third rakaat, the
reward is the angels making Du'a for their forgiveness and asking, My mercy
for them; for the fourth rakaat, the reward is the opening of the doors of
Heaven and the damsels of Paradise looking at them.

O Musa, when Our last Prophet and his Ummah will pray the four rakaats of
Asr salat, there will be no angel on earth and heaven who will not pray for
their forgiveness. And we will not punish those for whom the angels pray for
forgiveness.

O Musa, when Our last Prophet's Ummah will pray the three rakats at the time
of Maghirib, then the doors of the heavens will be opened, and We will
fulfill whatever they will ask.

O Musa, the four rakaats of Isha are better than all the earth's kingdom and
wealth. After performing this salat, they will be as
purified of their sins, as a new born baby.'

Now you read this I hope inshallah you never miss another salaat. To help
other brothers n sisters plz copy n paste this message on to all the people
on your contact list.

Wassalaam.

2010-01-25T15:55:00.002+08:00

Ke sejadah dahimu di cecahkan

Bersihkan lah dirimu sebelum kamu dimandikan
Berwudhu'lah kamu sebelum
kamu diwudhu'kan
Dan solatlah kamu sebelum kamu disolatkan

Tutuplah 'auratmu sebelum 'auratmu ditutupi
Dengan kain kafan
yang serba putih
Pada waktu itu tidak guna lagi bersedih

Walaupun orang yang hadir itu merintih
Selepas itu kamu akan
diletak di atas lantai
Lalu dilaksanakanlah solat Jenazah
Dengan
empat kali takbir dan satu salam
Berserta Fatihah, Selawat dan
doa
Sebagai memenuhi tuntutan Fardhu Kifayah

Tapi
apakah empat kali takbir itu dapat menebus
Segala dosa meninggalkan
solat sepanjang hidup?
Apakah solat Jenazah yang tanpa rukuk dan
sujud
Dapat membayar hutang rukuk dan sujudmu yang telah luput?
Sungguh tertipulah dirimu jika beranggapan demikian

Justeru
kumenyeru sekelian Muslimin dan Muslimat
Usunglah dirimu ke tikar
solat
Sebelum kamu diusung ke liang lahad
Menjadi makanan cacing
dan ulat

Iringilah dirimu ke masjid
Sebelum kamu
diiringi ke Pusara
Tangisilah dosa-dosamu setiap detik
Kerana
tangisan tidak berguna bila sudah parah

Sucikanlah dirimu
sebelum kamu disucikan
Sedarlah kamu sebelum kamu disedarkan

Dengan panggilan 'Izrail yang menakutkan
Berimanlah kamu sebelum kamu
ditalkinkan

Kerana ianya berguna untuk yang tinggal

Bukan yang sudah meninggal
Beristighfarlah kamu sebelum kamu
diistighfarkan
Namun ketika itu istighfar tidak menyelamatkan

Ingatlah di mana saja kamu berada
Kamu tetap memijak bumi
Tuhan
Serta menikmati rezeki Tuhan
Justeru bila Dia menyeru,
sambutlah seruan-Nya
Sebelum Dia memanggilmu buat kali yang
terakhirnya

Ingatlah kamu dahulu hanya setitis air yang tidak
bererti
Lalu menjadi segumpal darah
Lalu menjadi seketul
daging
Lalu daging itu membaluti tulang
Lalu jadilah kamu insan
yang mempunyai erti

Ingatlah asal usulmu yang tidak bernilai
itu
Yang kalau jatuh ke tanah
Ayam tak ingin patok itik pun tak
sudi
Namun Allah mengangkatmu ke suatu mercu
Yang lebih agung
dari malaikat
Lahirmu bukan untuk dunia semata
Tapi gunakanlah
ia buat melayar bahtera akhirat

Sambutlah seruan 'Hayya 'alas
Solaah'
Dengan penuh rela dan bersedia
Sambutlah seruan 'Hayya
'alal Falaah'
Jalan kemenangan akhirat dan dunia


Ingatlah yang kekal ialah amalan
Menjadi bekal sepanjang jalan

Menjadi teman di perjalanan
Guna kembali ke pangkuan Tuhan

Pada hari itu tiada berguna :
tahta dan harta
isteri
dan putra
kad kredit dan kereta
kondominium dan niaga

Salam

2010-01-24T13:53:00.003+08:00

In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate.

heylo bloggy. I dun really know why im alternating between a random journal and this blog but i guess its okae coz both aint meant to be read by anyone anyway.

Anyway i had just finished watching a show called "Front of the class". The story is regarding a man born with a Taurette disease which means he would randomly blurt out a sound every few minutes or so without the power to stop himself.

The show actually taught me many things. One of them would be to never let yourself lose to this kind of sickness or flaws. It is afterall just another test from Him. Even if all teacher fails to educate you to be yourself or chaste after your dream. You can always learnt from yourself that it is you who controls things and it is you who can and who will do it.

With enough patience and support even the hardest dreams can be reach.

Never let any flaws or disability bring you down or stop you from getting what you want. Its just afterall another test for us. (Learnt from the story "Front of the Class")

So what i am trying to say here is that everyone of us aint perfect which would mean that we have many flaws in each and everyone of us. Like for example would be me. I have a lot of flaws in myself which would include not being handsome, short and very lame.

But i would never let that stop me from chasing my dream. All of those is given to me by HIM and i should gladly accept the challenge to go forward and fight on. I may not be handsome like some other people but i love myself nevertheless and if given the wish to be someone else, I would still pick to be myself for there is no other like me :)

I am a PES E in NS but i would never let that stop me either. I was born with problems in my heart in which according to the specialist my heart gave out an extra sound and its incurable though they did say that the sound has reduce significantly and requires instrument to hear it. And without any choice, i was given an E as they kinda see any problems to do with heart as serious and so i just have to accept them. If given the choice i would rather fight with the rest and i very much would like to be a policeman but as fate decides that is not my destiny.

Even though this heart problem of mine has never given me any problems at all, people still view me as not healthy.I had never view this as something that would pull me down because to me it doesnt. I can play soccer, run and do everything well. But since its a gift from GOD ill just accept my fate and try for something else.

Lesson learnt here. Always be yourself and fight for every dream.

Ya Allah! Ampuni lar aku!

2010-01-24T02:17:00.002+08:00

Sedang kan melayari website tagged, aku terserempak akan seorang gadis yang hanya berumur 19 tahun ini.

Aku melihat profilenya dan mendapati bahawa kelalaian aku selama ini.

Hmm cant really do this in malay haha.

As i was watching her profile, i read and stumble upon something which awaken me from my deep slumber... What have i done for this 22 years of my lyfe? Have i not realise the sins i have been thru? Have i not realise the very mistake of my lyfe? Why have i not been happy all this while? Was it because i was lonely? No yusri no.... It was because i had forgotten abt HIM. Ya Allah, maafkan lah aku.

I only remembered him when i was down, when i was in need when i had lost everything, And yet when i was at the top of the world in which He fated me to, i forgot abt him. All i could say was i was only human which was the very mistakes of everyone. HE created us as humans to remember him that HE is the one who created everyone of us...

Being emo after u left me... thats all i could ever think of... But was i so wrong to go into a search for a new other when all i had to do was to come back to HIM.

Dear Yusri, (Gona bring my dignity down)
Have u no shame? Have u not realize what have u been doing all this while?A 18+ year old has had the heart and mind to realize that the right path is with HIM but you who is 22 years had totally forgotten him? Have you not realize that HE is the one to bring you happiness and fate? Repent Yus, before its too late. Your hand,eyes, nose mouth,ears and skin are the very witness to all your sins? Do not procrastinate please, you are already or almost at the half age of your lyfe (if He Wills me to live long).

Ya Allah, bantuilah aku kembali ke pangkal jalan yang benar. Amin...

The poem that brought me back to reality:
O single Muslim!

-By UmmGhareebah

O single Muslim!
How chaste are you!
While others engage in haraam and fulfill their desires,
You shun the many calls to sin,
For fear of the hellfire!

O single Muslim!
How modest are you!
While others are 'alone',
They loose their fear of Allah,
But alone or not, you lower your gaze,
Refusing to look at haraam!

O single Muslim!
How sensible are you!
While others waste away their hours watching bollywold flicks,
You spend it worshipping Allah,
Fasting and increasing in ilm!

O single Muslim!
How devoted are you!
While others memorize lyrics to the latest songs,
You make an effort to memorize duaas and Quran!

O single Muslim!
How upright are you!
While others foolishly throw Quran and Sunnah to the side,
You strive to learn and implement them both into your life!

O single Muslim!
How blessed are you!
While others gossip,
And partake in useless matters,
You spend your time reflecting,
And preparing for the herafter!

O single Muslim!
How aware are you!
While others fall for the first person who plays the sweet card,
You know the tricks of shaytan,
And remain constantly on guard!

O Single Muslim!
How steadfast are you!
While others loose their modesty and dignity along the way,
You remain chaste and honorable,
And your sabr only increases each day!

O single Muslim!
How fortunate are you!
While others rack up sins for forming illicit relationships,
You gain reward from Allah for your trials and hardships!

O single Muslim!
How intelligent are you!
While some make marriage their ultimate goal,
You know it's only a means,
To reach the final abode!

O single muslim,
How wise are you!
While others desire spouses,
With only beauty and riches,
You desire an upright person,
With good character and religion!

O single Muslim,
How successful are you!
While others spend their time in grief,
Regretting their foolishness and haste,
For your steadfasteness and patience:
Allah grants you one of His most righteous slaves!

And O single Muslim,
How honored are you!
While others who lived in sin,
Will be humiliated on Qiyamah,
You will be granted honor and shade,
On the Day when there is NO shade,
Except under the throne of ALLAH!

:)
Watch it here.

2010-01-17T22:08:00.002+08:00

*Listening to Westlife "Swear it Again"*

Heylo world.
Been a while since i updated.
Only update a few times in 2009.
Guess i was contented in lyfe.
Easily satisfy-able as they say.

Until the day lyfe came crashing down upon me eh?
Haha
Oh well i am slowly moving on as it seems.
I know it hurts and i know ppl say that it will hunt u since its a very long relationship.
Well it is really but trying my best to stay strong for everyone, including her.

It seems she is facing much more problem than i am.
With a face as pretty as that, im sure guys will be swarming around u when they knew u left me.
I wanted to ask what is very wrong with me but i guess maybe its just a message from God that we both deserve someone better than each of us.

I guess i just have to accept the very fact that God wants me to move on.
Frankly i wasnt kidding when i say i am an emokid.
Every single feelings thats in me, i rather prefer to kept it to myself than to pour everything out.
I rather help others around me, including my previous loves, to get on in lyfe first bfore i bothered about myself.

Thats just me it seems. please do not ask why, i just feel better to see ppl smile. In fact i always keep tract of each and everyone of em till now and i do check if they are okae with their lyfes and in fact they are. alhamdulillah.

Hmm thot of sharing the lyrics of this jap song. ( i dun really listen to jap btw)
Rie Fu - Life is like a Boat

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

---------------------------------------------
Removed all the jap parts... haha

This is me it seems.

And i thot i was alone this way until....

Came across someone who is just lyk me.

My long lost unidentical twin? haha.

Cant get rid of my previous in my mind but im healing slowly and taking it slow.

Someday ya? Maybe. Hoping so.

Thats it for now.
Peace.

I knew it.

2010-01-04T15:24:00.003+08:00

I knew it would take just a short while before u will stop visiting this blog.

It just takes a while before i become the stranger that i was before.

Please dun blame me for running away. I just cant do what i used to do before due to the limitations i have been set upon.

It takes a lot of courage not to run away and leave everything behind.

But instead i hold myself together and stayed and bear all the pain thats within me.

I saw upon a page in one of the social network sites where someone states.
"True love is still true even to the point of letting go"

Hah how true that was. I am forever in dept to you for whatever happened the past "almost 3 years"

Yes i have been quiet lately. Not running away but just being conservative.

Took a hell lot from me to stay strong but with the help from HIM alhamdulillah i persevere :)

I am just not used to being single ah after all this while... And yes despite having freedom and more time to meet my old frens. its still different.

I am sorry if i felt that there is a need to fill up this hole in my heart. Its not because i want to play with any feelings but thats just how i am... Whenever i really do fell in love, it will be forever. For i dun really believe in feelings but more of faith. Feelings dun last forever. But faith and trust do.

And yet now im the stranger :) One that never was.

And yet again now i am just so scared. Twice i was left this way to shatter. And twice i survived but how do i know the third one wun kill me?

Hmm its really hard to say it seems. Ill just lay low and be conservative as always i guess.

PS: Girls dun fall for losers. Period.

Shattered Dreams, Disfigured Heart and Misguided Soul.

2009-11-26T23:12:00.002+08:00

I was reading thru facebook as usual when i read raudha 's post. I was stunned by it really. it holds so much meaning so much feeling and she aint the usual type to pour out her feelings to the public not even to ppl she knows either.

But oh how true it was when she mention the phrase how we dun see the ppl in front of us and only start to miss them when they are gone. heh I have always taken things for granted. always. about everything. and now everything came back to haunt me. Im amaze how taken back how i was.

I used to fall really really deep before down a hole that i nvr thot i cld ever climbed out from. But i was wrong... with the help of a fren who cares who constantly give me a push when i badly needed it , i got out of that hole.... And i once thot that was it. I will nvr fall deeper for i thot that was the deepest anyone cld ever drop into and survive.

I know it seems im ranting nonsense but i am not. Amazingly i am still surviving despite just realizing that i cld never have had a worst month/weeks/days/years(u name it) other than in November 2009. Worst in my lyfe. I just lost someone i truly love. Left me for she lost her feelings. Just when i had the intention of spending my whole lyfe with her and now i cld nvr look at other girls the same way. Then 2 days before the anniversary of my accident on 21st Nov 2008, i got sabotage by people.

Who cld have hated me so much tat they would slash the tires of my bike? Even if it was a prank at the very least they cld just let out the air. But no they just have to let me spend $140 to tow and buy new tires. and also cost me lots of effort along with Ahmad and Kenneth to push at least 2km or more to the nearest petrol station to try pumping the tires out before we found out it was slash. The bike weights a 99kg+ for good ness sake.

Then TP today on 26 November and with all this feelings haywire and upset, i knew i wasnt both emotionally and physically ready for it n there goes my $200.

This week i specially took leave a month ago just to spend time with you only to realise this week that there is no more you and me just my friend and i.

Ahh how worst could it be?.But i admit the worst of it all is losing you.
I dun blame you nor do i hate you for i realise that its my fault.
Had i made the effort of taking better care of you,
None of these would have happen.
I swear that im going to improve myself.
Reorganize myself and prove to you that I am the one
Just like you are the one for me.
I dun have the courage to tell my family about losing you.
Im staying strong for you for im sure someday ull be back even if its not now.
NO ONE can ever be compared to you.
I have learnt too much from you.
I learnt things i swear i cld nvr have learnt on my own.
I learnt to realise who i am and what im fighting for
And who im living for.
It was HIM who brought us once together
And someday should fate permits, Its gona be HIM who's gona bring us back together.

PS: i have always wondered what would happen if i suddenly disappear?

I'll gladly trade everything to have u back

2009-11-17T13:41:00.001+08:00

2009-11-16T14:41:00.000+08:00

Remember this ?

Ah i still remember the day
U started to plant the seed in me
After ages of me trying to plant mine to urs
slowly and steadily i waited...

everyday i tried to water the seed in you
trying to make it grow
and it did...
very...very slowly
and it started to bloom....

And it was then that u...
finally wanted to plant the seed in me...
And surprisingly...
It grew very fast...
So fast that its both the same height now...

This seed has grown into a fine plant
Bearing proper fruits of knowledge around us...
And i shall forever water this plant...
And cared for promising never...to let it die
Or ever wither...
because this is the plant we called "trust"

-------------------------------------------------------------

You are like a glass
So Fragile
So Vulnerable
Yet so strong.

You were,
Cracked hard with first hit,
And while i was painting the crack over,
You were HIT again.
Broken you were yet still in shape,
However,
I believe that one more hit,
Will cause u to shatter.

This time after the 2nd hit,
I glued you and painted you over.
To hide ur cracks,
And yes you stood strong....

But,
A Reminder came,
And so you were shattered...
I was in TEARS,
helplessly watching you....

But,
I Will Fix you someday.
And This is MY promise to you.

-----------------------------------
Memories... you are and will always be my one and only....

Speechless.

2009-11-16T10:16:00.002+08:00

Its been ahwhile, not really, its been a very long time since i came here. i once thot that i have finally found the reason to never come back here to open up my heart. But was i so wrong.

I finally lost my one true love and also the only one i would open up my heart to. The one i would really die for and now its totally gone. The pain is really overwhelming. I am deem totally helpless. Why is this happening to me? What have i done to deserve this pain?

Losing you is like losing every part of me. I dun wish to live on anymore... I have lost my only motivation my only reason of moving on.

After god knows how many years, finally tears flow down my eyes like there is no tml. A call from ahmad was all it took for myself to breakdown. Though sadly i cldnt talk thru the phone.

Ya Allah mengapa harus hamba mu yang lemah ini rase kepahitan dah kepedihan ini semua. Setelah 2 1/2 tahun, haruskan ia hilang begitu saje? Where is all the memories, the tears and joy and all of those things we did together? Does this means nothing to you?

My dream of marrying you and living together for the rest of my lyfe is all shattered.. i doubt after this ill be able to have faith in love anymore... Maybe i shd just build a wall around me and hide and cower in there and die alone for thats all i am... ALONE. I kinda left my frens for you coz you were the impt one but i guess i was wrong.

Im just speechless.

The full version ( i call it Love, Tears, Part and Fears of a family)

2008-07-28T02:48:00.004+08:00

This is the full version to the gift for the exco made by ain and me.
This is also for those that did not get the chance to read it.
Enjoy it yeah. Its not perfect but plz do tell if u like /love it.
------------------------------------------------------------

Years in exco proved beneficial
Brothers were made, Sisters were introduced
Leaders were mould,Followers could lead
The time has come we lead our own lyfes.

A family was made after a fateful separation
A legacy lives on though the previous were not forgotten
New dramas came up over-riding the old one.
New friendship bonded with old ones.

Its sad to leave but fate decides
Its time to move on though the heart says no
Passing on is hard but its time to leave
Being apart is painful but the bond stays truthful

Losing people is part and parcel of life
Gaining others is advantages of losing one.
Sorry may seem the hardest word
But lets apologize before it was ever too late.

With this poetry came my tears
A pain to leave but never to stay.
A heart so painful yet so truthful
A family so bonded but yet to be parted.

Its a pain to leave my family
But its much more painful to stay
and not be a part of it
I guess its time for me to move on

Sorry may seem the hardest word
But I'm sorry for those hurtful things i did
I'm sorry too for being bad at tymes
And also when i made a hurtful decision for your better-ness.
-----------------------------------------------

On May 2007, a new family was made
With the old one just parted
A new legacy has just started
An untold legend is yet to unfold

Din was made to mainly lead
With Yus and Faan as his sidekicks
Nani and Syak was to record our minutes
With Mahirah becoming our chetti

Wan and Yan was to clean mls
Wak and Azlin was to care for everyone
Su and Zureen was to cultivate some cultures
Ain and Rohani was to relate to public

14 of us were to fight our fears
Each mainly new to its desires
With all the coming challenges
We hold our heads up high and say "Mls coming through"

Bowling being the first fight
Breaking friendship making families
The real side of people were seen
All the hidden leadership were shown

A successful yet failure event to be truthful
A start to an effort to save cost
Ending up to be a lost instead
However with a lost came our famous name

However bad that may be,
Our names at last were being known
From North to south, East to west
Finally known was our name to others.

YIC was another start of a great bond
Recognising each other's talents and weaknesses
Repenting together in hopes of acceptance
Fighting together to obtain forgiveness

Iftar was a major success
Lead by a potential leader
With people coming from afar
Recognising us like we were old frens

Raya 07 was full of memories
Where we share our joys
And cried for forgiveness
It was time to part with an old family

Muzikarama came with which we fought
With all our might with money and all
Being transparent was a lesson learnt by many
To hold the bond between us family.

We don't exist as one but actually as many
With one we are actually nothing
With everyone we are warriors
Fighting together to win this war

I-kem came with many obstacles
And yet, we hold and fight with tears
Friendship were broken and yet remade.
Truth were known with past miseries

AGM 08 has finally come.
Its time to meet and say goodbye
Being replace with others so new
Its time to write another legacy

A final chapter to an old series
With it comes a new story
Full of action, full of tears
So for now we shall close the covers
To an old book we name SPMLS.

A wise leader once told us.
Blessings of God comes from the Unity of its people.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Family

2008-04-14T02:29:00.003+08:00

Brothers in Arms.
Sisters in Action

Memories Will last forever.

Its me.
It has always been me.
Im impressed like really.
By how a small heart can handle
Big and dangerous stuff.

I see things,
I feel things,
I hear things,
and i know things.

Thats my nature.
Not that i want to,
its just i was forced to.
Frankly said,
I do not wish to know

Sometimess,im sorry
I just had to ask
For reason known
The sadness in any of you.

And as you know
I dun force you to tell
And neither do i prod you till you tell
my sentence is always the same
If you dun wish to tell,its okae.

I LOVE YOU ALL

My heart felt true content.

You dun have to tell me the problem,
I just need you to tell me your feelings.
I believe some of you remember this sentences.
Its always repetitive.

Its my way.
Its what makes me, me.
I love you all
I really do

Though i have to sacrifise
I always remain neutral.
I do not hate nor do i favour people.
Except certain ones that
unfortunately hates/dislike me.

Depression is a part of me.
It has always been in me.
Coz i know someday,
ill be forgotten as always.

I am just a passer-by
a moment in most of your lives.
Asking to be remembered is too much
but believe me, i am a small part in all of you.

Someday my frens,brothers and sisters.
I request you of one thing.
To sit and reminisce when ur in trouble,
the times we spend,
the people who will look after you
And those that never forgets you.

Think abt the times when ur in trouble,
The people around you,
Those that is willing to sacrifise time for you.
Those who acted like they hate you, but loved u instead.
As a brother or a sister.

Though people change,
Their memories do not.
Though feelings disappear
Their past do not.

So whenever u felt like no one cares
or if ur old frens forgets you,
Think again.
For if they do,
They would have never created a passing memory.

Sometimes you people say im blunt
Or even too sharpBut im not.
Its just the way i am
You guys want me to accept the way you are
And i did
I hope you people accept me the way i am.

Im sorry for being blunt OR sharp.
Its just me when im serious.
Not when im angry.
When i am angry,my words
will just shut people up.

There is a reason behind everything i do,
Its not just a blunt decision
But mostly an appropriate one
Or at least a reasonable one.

When i tegur some of you,
Please understand,
Some lines are not meant to be crossed
So i have to pull u back.

Its not that i am angry but,
I have to analyze the situation.
And do the appropriate decision.

Forgive me for i have done many wrongs.
Forgive me if i had step beyond your line
Forgive me if my caring crossed your personal space.

Will you accept me the way i am?

My Family, Hear My Heart's True Feelings

My brothers and sisters,
The time for me to stay here is not long
Its about time when the school says go
And my reality appears.

To face reality, is painful
For i do not wish to leave you all
My heart says no
But the time says go.

To Zureen,
You are someone i respect.
A brother i can call
amazingly ur much better than i thought u would be
Someone with the capability to go far.
But you have to stop your laziness
More of initiative is needed for success
I see a good future in you

To Rohani,
Friendliness without boundary is dangerous
Know how to filter between good and bad
Some people just wish for attention
While others needed your listening ear.
Sometimes you have to pour urself out too
Find the right people i hope
For sometimes filling up too much
May just cause you to burst.

To Syakirah,
I am amaze by your leadership
To lead and to push
However your tone you have to watch
Because sometimes being fierce and strict
Is two different things
Strict is good but being fierce,wud stop people
From really wanting to listen
Sometimes a nicer approach is better.
But i have faith that you will go far.

To Ridzwan,
You are always a brother to me.
Though u are a bad tempered person
I know u are a kind hearted person
You r willing to go far for someone
You regarded as a family
But sometimes its good to forgive and forget than
To actually be angry.
Everything is just a part and parcel of lyfe.
I saw ur potential the first time i saw you
Thats why i fight for you at times.
Please dun disappoint me ya

To Sufyan,
You and me always click
We are brothers by nature.
Our interest are what binds us together
Its always easy for us to get along yes?
We fight together, we fall together.
You are someone who has big dream
A reality check kind of dream
I believe if u continue working hard,
you will get there someday.
Continue my brother,Fight for justice!
But beware of ur surroundings,
for some may just be shallow.
And Credibility is always better than just plain loyalty

To Ahmad Abdillah,
You are a playful person
Although i respect that u know how to do your work
And that you are not afraid to ask when you are in doubt
But sometimes all it takes is faith and courage
For you already have the skill
And i see you sometimes lack the initiative
But i have faith in your potential to lead
In terms of religion, you are well equip
And for others, you are prepared to learn
This kind of attitide will bring you far as well.
Work hard and continue asking but push when u have to.

To Mahirah,
Sometimes i see your screw is loose.
Really loose haha.
But im impress that u held well
You held well to my constant attack of craziness
And you no longer get hurt or break down by it
Yet nowadays you can slowly counter those.
But frankly i meant well, those are actually meant
for you to have faith,courage to hold yourself
By doing this you build yourself a shield.
A shield that you r proud of to protect and to attack
I believe that now u have great faith in urself to lead
And you are no longer anti-social or lonely
Its just you have yet to learn to use the power of frens hehe.
Sometimes the power in us comes from friendship that we earn.

To Azlin,
One such example of power from friendship is what drives you
You live not just for yourself but for others as well
You work with the drive to help not to succeed.
You are willing to sacrifise your time and energy just so people
Can benefit and strive.
But do listen to my advice sometimes we have to be selfish
Because by being a little more selfish, we are actually
Showing that we love ourselves just as much as we love others
Your body and your soul needs your care just as much as others that needs you around.
You are a jovial and happy go lucky girl
But deep inside, who knows? haha
Continue helping others girl but take care of yourself kae?

To Suhailah,
I hate green.
Haha just kidding.
You are one hell of a always smilling and happy girl.
But sometimes i see you put more effort in your interest heh
Do remember, studies is also more important.
So yep do maintain a suitable level of importance to everything
Including YOURSELF.
Sometimes like i said above, being selfish is important.
Its to prove that you love urself just as much as others.
You are like a real family to me having work two yrs with you
We have experience falling, getting up, happiness and also sadness.
But all of this will benefit us in the future insya allah.
Dun forget sister, im here always shd u need a spillover.

To Nuraini Jasni,
A self declared sister of mine haha.
But nevertheless i treat you like one and no i have nvr forgotten you.
If u remember well, im always around you.
And i have NVR ignored you.
Despite being busy or not when i see you, i will always say hi.
Or at least i will always tegur or disturb you to prove i still care for you
I dun know what is happening between us. But do take note i have nvr gone away,
Im still here acknowledging you as my family and wishing you come back
For we people actually still cares for you.
We wish to talk wif you but its just harder now
with you rarely coming to us like you used to.
Please dun get me wrong, We still talk abt you and where you have gone.
Sometimes we wonder why you dun come to us when u have problems anymore
So when u really do have a problems dun assume we dun care, its more
of that we dun actually know.Do remember those times, even though i was in class,
i was willing to come.Those time when you were down,
i stayed outside till late to ensure ur home
Im recalling because i miss those times we were a family.

To Farhan,
Haha A close brother of mine ever since god knows when
Haha Always with his crazy ideas but humble with his knowledge
I respect your approach wif people.
We fought hard together ever since the start of 35th
For the pressure was more of us than for din.
Haha we are to support din shd he fall
But due to his large size i dun think we can handle him hehe
But no, with the problems we faced, we kind of held well.
We fought hard and we learn well.
I believe you are now ready to move on to bigger things
To lead well and to serve well.
You are the next generation and i shall help you the best i cld
As long as im here still, i shall help in anyway i can.
Brothers for lyfe.

To Din,
You and your kedegilan.
Haha yet you still strive hard and sacrifise a lot to help others
Though whatever u are doing are actually behind takbir
People cant actually see and appreciate those that you did
But i see and i appreciate.
However sometimes, you dun have to do everything
You just need to learn to share the job and share stuff.
You dun have to actually help everyone,
just those that actually needs you.
Its not selfish, its just doing the right thing.
Helping everyone is not the correct way.
Sometimes people have to learn to stand up for themselves.
And your words. Sometimes they hurt others.
Without your knowledge.For me its my tone. but for you its your words.
Think properly abt others before we speak ya.
I wish you well for ur future endeavour
Though i still hate you for leaving my FYP group!

To My other half,
You are my everything
Though we quarrel at times
I ensure we are okae at others.
Without you im nothing
Sorry if sometimes i just break down
There is no one else i can do that with.
Just with you. I am able to share just like you did to me.
Sometimes its just my nature to be upset if u accidentally forget me
For it shows i remember you hehe.
But do know that whatever i do, its with you in my mind.
And for exco wise im proud of you
Frankly said, i have no say in letting you join the exco.
Its the choice of 34th exco to put you in.
They wun let me choose nor will they let me interview you,
But im happy they made the right choice putting you in.
And i believe you learn well over the past yr.
You are now able to stand on your feet to prove yourself.
However sometimes decision needs to be made on ur own.
Sometimes i can advice but the decision lies on u.
But i have faith that you are much more capable than you think you are.
Thanks for everything.

My pain

2008-04-14T02:07:00.000+08:00

I have been rather quiet
Rather lonely
Yet I am there for everyone.

Though i am rather lonely
There's you beside me
And there's me with you.

Things have been rather....
out-of-hand
My mind's tired.

I sometimes feel that
I just cant take this anymore
But i endure With you,
My source of hope.

The reason i dun blog
is obvious,
I just cant bring myself
to let it out

Ill cry soon enough
Someday, sometime
And i foresee that
It is very near.

Even now my heart feels
the pain developing
slowly yet steadily

The reason you ask?
It has always been there.
As i have always been here.

I have been rather quiet about things
Rather further than some of you
I no longer ask about problems

And i no longer lend an ear.
Now thats my mistake.
For that im drifting apart.
Im tearing apart.

I thought with just you,
I could live.
and i did.
But not for long.

With just you,
I lost my respect,
My credibility,
My self in short.

Things i used to do,
Things i did
And things i can do,
I rarely do.

Do you realise the change?

A letter?

2008-01-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

Aww crap...

I received my NS enlistment letter a couple of days ago...
So yep i had to defer again (woohoo!!)
And so i tried today...

Bah!
guess what?
Haha after writing in my deferred date... The system said that i din need to defer!!!
And my enlisting is already set to AFTER that date (oct 2008--> my unofficial grad date)

BOOHOO! haha but oh well look on the bright side of lyfe!
I am able to spend december ( my probably enlisting date) till april in ns while my *her is still studying :p

Haha i made it sound as if its a good thing but its NOT! haha
Oh well look likes my days are numbered!

The House!

2008-01-30T01:03:00.000+08:00

Wee! One paper down! one paper to go!

Haha my first paper was fine actually except for occasional blank moments heh.
Hmm my first paper was actually hmm Network management.

Network network network... been seeing a lot of this word lately...
From network marketing to networking to wireless network to now network management.
And guess what everything is DIFFERENT! haha.

Oh well today i took a timeout with *her heh. Went to vivo after her papers (which she said was quite hard!) hah
Guess what we did ? hah we watch a movie!
We watch the movie "The House"

I really recommend this movie to you people heh. Scary really really scary. Its not like those regular-overated not-so-scary movie.

I would have shared the story line for you people but i really don't want to spoil it heh.
Go watch it! its a thumbs up hehe.
Seriously even i was scared heh.
The sound effects were great also sey.

So yep after that just had a stroll before going back hee.

Oh btw i realise that the bookshop at vivo... the one nearest to GV... Has ALOT of good books.
I went to the comic sections and saw dozens of unseen comics before... Woo! nice nice hee.

Hello mellow Turn my blue pants Yellow!

2008-01-29T00:39:00.001+08:00

Haha helo peeps.
Its been ahwhile eh?
Sorry i have been quite lazy to update recently because i din find a real purpose in blogs.
However i did realise there are many aspects to blogs other than just a normal update of our lives.
Don't believe? haha someday i am going to share it with you people.

However for now, let me just lie low and continue doing some research to it.
You know, ever since i have been told about business ideas and such,
I found out that business is very wide.
Its not just about retailing or selling things...
Anything that can make you money is called making a business heh (DUH!)

So what is it that we are really aiming in lyfe?
Besides being accepted by Allah s.w.t ?
Our lives is actually short and yep i realise that its not too early to start now.

Sometimes we just tend to procrastinate our doings, our plans, our future...
But do you know that if u start to at least plan now? You can make your future a better place?

I know some of you must be thinking...
"OH COME ON! we are only *fill in ur age* What can we do at this age?"

Well the answer is... many things...
We always think that during our youth years are those years we spend to enjoy lyfe.
Well we can always "enjoy" our lyfe and yet even benefit from it.

How? How can we do it... Hehe
Go Find out yourself! haha.

Who knows if i feel like it , i might just write on it the next time hehe

Oh btw if anyone has plans maybe to run a small business or whatever, you can always approach me or "us" if you need web hosting and design :) We might be able to work out a deal.

Lyfe's all about you.

2008-01-02T02:26:00.000+08:00

The time has come
When its time to say
Goodbye to you...
And hello to new.

What i meant...
is something in depth
That i shall truly explain...

A year has past
When i truly dread
Viewing the future
And awaiting fear

I was met
With a pain so deep
That i fall apart

Though truly bleed
I stayed alive
For something has kept
Me sane Till now

And so it happen
That i went after
For 7 months past
Till then you came

You came to realise
For wat was true
And you came to realise
That im for you.

In that following year
I wait for you
For 2 months almost past
I thot i lose you.

I was wrong
Oh i really was
For fate came
And Talk to you

The day finally came
That you finally said yes
And my wait was finally futile
Coz my lyfe has finally changed

A month later
I passed my license
Though i lied to you
You still saw thru me

A month later
A New Wife came
While people was happily ending Kem ilusi
I was sadly making my way home to choose my wife

What wife i was talking about?
Heh for all of you
Here is the name
ITs called Kapchai!

A month later my birthday came
It came wif joy
And pride thereafter
Coz i was celebrating
Wif No one BUT you!

Months has passed
And im still happy
Till The nations birthday
It was yours too.

I hope you like it
I hope u fancied it
Coz thats not only it
And i promise there is more to come

Till now we last
Im still so happy
To finally have met
Someone so hippie

To you i shall say
What i wanted to say
2007 has past
But the memories will last.

2007 has yet
Been the best
For everlast
Of my entire lyfe

Thanks to you
Im so grateful
For having you
My one and only.

2008 has come
And it wun last
For our YEAR is near
And that im looking for

i promise you though
There will be more of that
For wat i really wish
Is none but you.

Hello again

2007-05-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

haha after months of silence... im back people :) Sry ah just lazy to update after the fact that blogger din save my previous post and posted it blank. haha

Lyfes been fine. oh wait no... lyfe's been great lately. Im happy everyday :)
Been thru a lot last time and now its all been well. Just came back from a so called sharing session at assyakirin mosque conducted by bro Hamid. Well had lots of fun of coz. :)
Learn lots of stuff there. like Even a motivator needs to be motivated at times as no one is perfect :) And i realise he is right in saying wats the use of a leadership course? We are all already leaders. just that we needed to be reminded of the skills in us. Yep yep. very happy i am. Played UNO at 1 am then murderer then cheat haha. oh so fun!!! the murderer very good sey :P sampai ade orang kate murderer die bagus 3 kali pun orang tak realise haha. best best.

And people haha please do believe in when i say we are good frens coz we really are :) we believe in fate. and we believe in that He has set someone meant for us :p hehe and yes truthfully i dun believe in steads and all those things.so yep yep.

U know it doesnt matter if all of u think otherwise... its alrite. im not gona hate u or damn u for it coz i know what i feel and i know my directions :) Its alrite.

Hmms i really kinda need to save and i guess is shall in order for my hope to occur in darmawisata :P hehe. but that doesnt mean i will cut down on treating ppl :P hehe.

My bike's been fine. gona change some stuff soon i guess and i need to wash it again... wee!

-Bila yang tertulis untukku
-adalah yang terbaik untukmu
-akan ku jadikankau
-Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku

thx for always being there.

What if??

2007-05-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

helo

2007-04-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

hmm 16 days tak update hehe. bukan malas tapi due kali i tried to update but lappy shut down hehe. so biarlah heh. entah kenape... have been feeling good nowadays with sri around and you around aha. and my mls family wee!. im just happy lar. im so looking forward to new events coming up and working with you people. insya allah. ill do my best. but i too am only human . so tegur menegur lar ye? insya allah everything will be fine heh.

Been two weeks since ive been going around with sri. and alhamdulillah im starting to know my ways. :) no speeding for me heh. max i went before is 100. ONCE and i nvr did reach it anymore due to a special reason :). Speeding kills baybeh haha. so yep due to this special reason. i only rode at 80-99 in expressway aha. and safely. alhamdulillah. cant rid of something in my mind aha. but im smilling though thinking bout it. someday ya? heh. Always ride safely my frens aha.

Anyway lyfes been fine lately. thats all for now heh.
----------------------------------------------------------------

U r wat makes me look foward to sch everyday.
Ur smile is what motivates me to work.
Sry if i upset ya somehow.
But lets keep to our promise ya?
Lets do our best this semester.
and prove it that we can!
Thank You! :)

Kem

2007-04-10T00:17:00.000+08:00

hmmm... hello again. dah lame kite tak update yer? hehe....
ok so now let me have an update shall we.... :)
So yep just came back from kem like last thursday. and oh my the kem was great i daresay.... i left the kem early half-heartedly sey.... aiyoo. one day u guys will know why aites.
So yep i left right after i presented the presentation for nurhayat. ahakz. and IM SOOO SORY FOR NOT HAVING MY FULL MOOD AND WAS VERY MOODY SO YEP I KnOw MY ATTITUDE SUCK and so does my presentation BUT Thank You for cheering :) you guys made my day. hehe.

So yep the kem overall was a huge success thanks to all the committee for organising it. you guys rock! :P and the manpower for putting in effort and lastly the kempers for attending hehe... so yep overall it was a blast baybeh.

Was thinking of giving day to day experince tapi mcm malas gitu kan ahakz so tak payah lar yer. hehe. let the pictures do the talking someday alrite. its in my multiply.. ill upload slowly tau. malas ah. hehe

So yep today was debrief...it went on fine but it was kinda sad ah with those who will be leaving us. we hafta say goodbye.... whether or not we like the person, love, hate or watever i daresay ill miss all of em after this. i dun wish to say goodbye yet in hopes that in the future insya allah we shall meet again ya.

and also to my dear lil sis. stay strong. its not the end really. ull have time, but for now build ur courage and strengh to face it...and insya allah one day, u will have ur say oright. :) stay strong. im here if ya need me kaes.

kudos to those leaving soon kaes and thx. MLS doors will forever be open to u guys *kalau tak pandai-pandai lar pecahkan pintu kaes* ahakz.

MLS COMING THRU!!! hee.

Its over.

2007-03-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

hmm haiyo finally hari ni bleh relax.... aiyo sugguh the stress sey... padanlah aku makin pendek... beban atas shoulder ni berat sangat. heh. maybe thats the reason why most pretty and bertanggung jawab gerls are short? hehe because they are carrying a heavy beban on their shoulder? :P aha yus merepek.

ok fine finally magazin siap.... ahakz besok gi amik. but aiyo so the disappointing. even though its not a bad start for my own first magazine-with lack of help. it still turn out fine. first and foremost. sry to hilmi and raudha that whatever u guys wrote isnt in the magazin but however ur credited still. there are quite a few errors in the magazine...aiyoyoy and the last page doesnt look like a last page lol. but still i added some pics in order to lessen the boring ness and increase the imagination for ppl to imagine our events hehe.

anyway so today yep was kinda quiet and stress up having to finish the layout on my own...siap kan P.P.P and redaksi... aiyoyo ahakz sry takde content page :P but oh well it ends well anyway but i ended up being stressed and quiet to someone today. haiyo im sooooo sry tau ! and sry that i din eat even though i told u that i will after u do.... takde time ah im really sorry. sry too that im quiet and din talk much with you. :( too stressed up ah hehe. but nowits all over and i can sleep early yay! and i just realise... that i have been sleeping at 4 for the past 4 days. aiyoyoyoy then going sch early.... i just realise it after i was talking to hilmi sey. i hadnt had much rest. even though u did have an early rest i din... i had work to do plak aiyoyoyo.... but now its over. wee.

anyway my time table is blank. its so unfair. heh.

Bidadari

2007-03-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

Bah been a busy week lately. haiyo... baik booth, baik name tag, badge , banner ,magazine, t-shirt lagik aduiiii.... pening sey kepala. dun even have time for myself. haiyo. doubt i have time to go recci anymore... till after kem. haiz... my dad pulak a lil choosy abt colour. haiyo then my brother plak. rather have a stronger bike. sampai biler lar... ahakz. oh well tak cerewet. ill wait alrite. as for now i can still take the train with someone heh..... nanti tak tahu lar plak kalau orang tu sudi tumpang tak hmm heh.

Name tag has proof to be not so easy since most of the work can only be done by you. i kinda felt helpless watching and doing very little so all i tried hard to make you laugh and smile with my company while we work on it. sry for not being so helpful yep. but ill push u on. coz i know u have the capablity and creativity. like the badge, nice handwriting.... ahakz. oh well....

naseb baik kambeng girl wanted to do the banner heh. sry k.girl i din wanna edit coz i have too much at hand to think abt.... t-shirt walaupun dah hantar quotation... sume but still i heard byk nak M size... haiyoyoyo... i scared the size dun tally. takpe takpe...

now magazine. haiyo besok nak gi print. duit lum ader. then layout lum habis. front page and back page pun takde... haiyoyoyoyoyo pening ler...... takpe takpe. giving up is soooo not my middle name with ya around.

anyway i just kinda hate the way someone acts as if nothing happened before. hmm coz of that my words became sharper. "Bloody Hell" man it was you that at first was nice to this person. then suddenly for a few reason. u were so damn harsh that it hurts. ur words. it stabbed thru the person's heart for goodness sake. and u din even try to apologize man. and now u came back trying to act nothing happened at all? Hmm man ur attitude kinda suck. if u ever so much as hurt this person again. ill hunt ya. and i swear to that.

*a fragile heart thats not meant to be broken no more*

Hmm there was once this bee. that remembered that 2 yrs ago when he first entered this bee sch... he was all alone suffering and pushing himself on without any frens because the rest of the bee's were either unfriendly or too different of a type. This past came back to his mind after another bee mention playfully that nobody wishes to be frens with that bee. hmm this bee became upset but apologise soon after. he din meant it to be awkward silence but he was a lil hurt but he knows it was a joke. he is fine now.

Camp is in what... 4 days? ahakz. hmm nad's sis will be in it... cool! but i doubt she knows/rems me anyway ahakz. hope she'll be happy and successful in this sch like her sis and her couz... heh.lets do our best and push a lil harder aites! go ppl! :)

*Kau umpama bidadari....Suci Bagai Embun Pagi.....* heh.

2007-03-25T16:57:00.000+08:00

ahakz aites warning this is gona be a looooooooooong post kaes. meant for somebody ahakz.

kae so yep ive healed alrite took me quite a while.... fall sick again on fri morning.... sakit lain plak... sakit rindu ahakz. just playing. sakit tekak lar. ape lar korang ni hee. sampai sekarang havent really heal though hmms. okae okae so what has happen from sunday till now? let me update u aites....

Ok on sunday apparently, my family entah ape angin... suddenly woke me up from my beauty sleep and says ...."YUS! bangun! Ade wanita lawa masuk minang!" ahakz i was shocked of coz....
ahakz ok ok im lame i know.... takdelar... she said... "Yus Bangun! nak ikut mak ngan abah ngan kakak sume gi giant tak?" so me feeling lazy just say hmm okae mak sume gi dulu ah later yus join.......haha then 1/2 hr later she woke me up again saying "YUS! kiteorang nak gi main bowling dulu jom bangun bangun ahakz" Terus yus bangun ahakz....

it was rare ah that my family wants to plae bowling ...since is the first time mom and dad and lil bro ever tried bowling so yep we went there with a taxi and my mum (rider chick :P) tumpang my bro on his new super four..... (ciss jeles aku.)hee. gi orchid country club main bowling...

Guess what my lil bro bowl punye slow tapi straight giler lol.... cute sey. ahakz (mcm abg die gak biase lar kan?) hee. he got one spare thruout 2 games... then my mum... die asyik shoot senget tapi bleh tahan okae ah.... she like so happy after ever shot then suddenly after the first game she said.... if ever she got a single strike...she will treat the game... ahakz took her quite some time then strike!!! lol kecoh giler sey my family aha... then she continued with a spare sey aha. lucky mummy :P my dad plak even though first time .... got like 3 strikes in the 2nd game with total of like 4 + spares heh.... my sis pun bagus gak! hehh... i was like happy lar seeing my family like that.

then my couz sis baru baik dari chicken berpox. plak disturb me and touch my hand alar! then terus demam lol..... demam takut tak dapat jumpe seseorang for 2 weeks xD hee....

Haha so then on monday plak... went to sch i think to do phamplet hee. but in the end i ended up watching the phamplet doer plak ahakz. then i realise i was falling sick lar... *so nice to slp on fc5 beside.....* ahakz. but oh well then ader meeting plak! aiyo.. so ended up meeting aku tido ahakz sakit nyer pasal makin teruk after orang balik.... aiyooo... nasib dorang tak kisah ahah! but bloody hell epin! ahakz

so tuesday demam became worst..cant get out of bed plak aiyoyoyo. ingatkan nak kluar ngan my brother sekali since sakit tak leh plak...haiz... aha nasib ader companion dari hp nokiaku hee.. thx! ahakz.... so yep i just got normal fever ah... and throat infection sampai sekarang lum baik aha. sry ama cldnt go ur bday celebration but happy belated being old anyway! ahakz

wednesday plak...pasal nak sangat jumpe orang datang sch... eh salah... pasal nak sangat abiskan phamplet aku gi lar sch hee... abis kan phamplet, print sume poster... and everything then alhamdulillah aha.... ended up mamaming stuff in tujuh sebelas. spagetti was overheated though ahakz sampai kering spagetti aku aha. but okae ah everything settle wee!!!! so felt better... tapikan that time lagi 2 hari someone going off plak haiyoo...........

hee so thursday...... hmm kluar for fun to enjoy my self... hee and i really did lar...... so fun sey! hehe.... mamam pizza bawah hut. so mengeyangkan... but i feel like eating kambing lasagne plak now... (takpe nanti raye haji leh sembelih the kambeng i booked to make lasagne) hehe. tgh music and lyrics... lagu die so nice sey. u guys shd listen (way back into love) heh... alhamdulilah.

then fri came. and past by. ahakz. no lar fri came.. then nampak sorang terbang gi cameron island. ahakz. so yep then gi solat darusallam. sebab ader meeting in the morning. tgk booth dulu.... so small sey. number 26. lepas solat continue meeting (boring sey :P) then set up booth sekejap... sikit sikit and print phamplet.... 70 for $4 bucks lol. then balik malam tu... hehe.

malam tu conference plak with kambeng girl and su(teletubbies) ahakz. dari kul 11 sampai 4 aduihai 2 makcik gossip ahakz and one nice guy listening :P . (yes yes i know i was suppose to sleep early lol. sorry !!!! dey needed me ah) heh. found out a lot of stuff that i have been missing ever since monday.... alot sey happen hmms.

So saturday at 7.15 ingat janji kambeng girl and kambeng president. sekali due due bgn lambat -.-" so yep i went alone lar tu... naik bus 969 gi tamp and guess what i was FOURTH!!! to arrive lol. its a miracle lol. i wasnt late hee. though its (830) haha. aiyoyoyoyo then plae match only first half. wasnt performing ah... and i kinda suck lol takde motivation and besides i wasnt really well yet so yep... 2nd half just rested.

lepas tu balik sch mamam ho fun! oh so fun! heh dengan su kambeng girl din wan alin and yan.... yum yum. then watch dorang train silat.. si sutubby kambeng girl and toya. hee foo.. tojang sendeng and sabit dorang so the seramkan then din lepaskan geram on pad plak hold my me or yan ahakz... nafsu binatang sey ditu ahakz....

then jumpe ahmad plak... maklum lame tak jumpe... tunggu pat bus stop sp sorang sampai terbobok2 ahakz then kite gi serangoon tgk motor stuff... for his wave... ahakz sampai magrib then solat at masjid kovan situ.. then go punggol fishing area... ahakz he let me rode his bike again but this time he tumpang ...(first time sey ditu tumpang motor sendirik!) haha. yep rode all the way till almost main road before gaving him back. mampus motor lain sey.. takde clutch biler tukar gear bike gegar sey...aha... rare giler but fun ah.... mase tu takde confident sal side mirror die aku tak leh nampak ahakz. so bawak slow.... haha but fun ah then balik.... balik tgk heroes jap then bobok siang at 10. (sry sesiape yang tried to bual! ahakz) boring ah semalam takde kawan. then today bangun jer at 6 lol.

solat then tido lagik...
sampai 11 then sms someone... then at 12.15 my story ended and i recovered..... dari sakit rindu ahakz! no lar just became happy again!!!! yay!!! end of story ahakz.

SiCk

2007-03-20T23:46:00.000+08:00

Ahakz went to the doctor and had a check up... im only having a high fever!!! wee! he said if ever imma gona kena chicken pox...its in 2 weeks before ill know... lets hope not aites or else i might missed camp ilusi aiyo! but today all i did was rest rest and more rest!! aiyoyoyo ahakz insya allah imma getting better heee wee!

Hope for the best!

2007-03-20T13:21:00.000+08:00

Guess what?

Im having a high fever right now...(darn it) and i have a feeling that it wun end soon...im just hoping that this wun turn to chicken pox bcoz if it does...im gona turn crazy like seriously!!!
imagine 2 weeks of not seeing my frens..... and someone. omg cant think abt it! 2 whole weeks? lets hope i dun catch this chicken pox aites... im really hoping i wun... bah im too weak to type right now.... gota catch a rest... taking care peeps. hope for the best aites. >.<

:( 2 weeks without ya? god, kill me. hehe.

2007-03-17T02:06:00.000+08:00

Hello ppl! hee sry lamer tak update... kae sekarang update kaes atas permintaan ikan di tank ikan rumah kite hehe.

So yep hows lyfe been? ahakz good and bad both man...

something pissed me off lately.
MY BROTHER JUST SOLD OFF HIS BLOODY BIKE FOR A CLASS 2A BIKE!!! OMG!
That just freaking hell rip my chances of trying his TZM lol.

oh wells.
he was suppose to survey a kapchai(waves) but instead bought a new bike.
The rest of the days was okae for me ah...

TP was hell for sure. damn nervous.... kalau tak caye leh tanye orang tu. ahakz.
My number was 74.... which means i have to wait for 73 ppl to pass by!!!
aiyoyoyooyoyo.
Lucky for me a msg came around 7+ which helped me relax and remain chilled :P

ahakz anyway tp result? aiyah tak yah tahu lar.... eh.

the rest of the passing week went by fine........ especially certain days that i can fishes swimming. xD

besok faizul balik...hurray! insya allah tml i update again kalau ader feelings ah hehe. taking care!

2007-03-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

Hmms and so it seems. i havent been updating. ahakz.
Not been busy, hehe. that i admit.
I rested 3 days at home! wee! and my ankle is getting better.
alhamdulillah

Tp is in 4 days. oh man i really fear it sey. takpe doakan me kaes?
Anyway been kinda happy lately alhamdulillah. despite all the troubles.
Insya allah ill get better.

And yep results out like i said i failed a module. and yep i realise next sem i have to take 8 modules... oh god help me ahakz. hopefully i can really do it kaes? i wann try my best this time. insya allah

*forever searching for the lost key*
*Ill find it someday*

2007-03-08T18:43:00.000+08:00

For You

I recently just made this and i like it so much that i wanna show heh.

Ah i still remember the day
U started to plant the seed in me
After ages of me trying to plant mine to urs
slowly and steadily i waited...

everyday i tried to water the seed in you
trying to make it grow
and it did...
very...very slowly
and it started to bloom....

And it was then that u...
finally wanted to plant the seed in me...
And surprisingly...
It grew very fast...
So fast that its both the same height now...

This seed has grown into a fine plant
Bearing proper fruits of knowledge around us...
And i shall forever water this plant...
And cared for promising never...to let it die
Or ever wither...
because this is the plant we called "trust"

Comment on it yeah :)

2007-03-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

Lyfe's Hard

Hmms Well what can i say? lyfe has been kinda terrible for me recently. not that im complaining but im holding on seriously with whatever is happening. Ku tabah menempuhinya dengan bantuan mu. heh. Well other than that, my day to day's are fine.

And yep so results are out. alhamdulillah. one look at it and you will think omg, ur result suck! ahakz. but then again after a few look at it, im thankful. because it was hardwork that made it like that. before u* came, i think my result wun be like this. the chances of me passing my maths was so little that my teacher even said, Yusri if u failed ur overall, ur gona have to treat me. and yes i believe im gona get the free treat.(thats what she said)ahakz. i think i had like 17% over 40% :/ then during the final i think i had scored like 70/100 alhamdulillah to achieve that 42%. alhamdulillah dun think i can achieve it without the push*.

Well for the rest of it, hmm especially my TCP/IP fooh, paper die nye lar susah... but alhamdulillah i got C for it. even though my results are C's and D+'s it was good enuf because i cld have scored all D's and D-'s with the effort i was putting in.

And yes i failed a module... now wait! before u guys have pity on me, please dun. it was my own decision that lead to the failure. i gave up on the project-based module. so yep i was expecting that "F". Gona have to work hard next sem with the extra module.

And oh my was i proud of u my fren.ur result was good despite all the troubles that seem to be haunting u. i really am happy to know. and that really make my day all shiny and bright heh.
Keep on going aites. Lets try harder this semester! wee! all smiles :)

Hmm yep it happen again. today. stayed home to watch it. it kept me speechless but i hold on. Kinda seem to be getting worst. kinda feel like in need of help but i din wanna disturb u hmms.takper ill hold on.

K next up. is nurhayat magazine. and this approach is kinda killing me. but i believe i can ah just really need motivation seriously, the ppl are mostly in attachment sey. argh. takpe ill try.

My mind has been thinking lately...
About facts of lyfe...
Emotions of people...
And if only you knew...
My mind ponders...

Ahakz was watching tv and watching Nana Tanjung sekali nampak waheeda ahakz teringat someone...... then teringat faizul. ahakz then suddenly in my mind, the song "shape of my heart" was playing in mind suddenly ahakz.

BACKSTREET BOYS
"Shape Of My Heart"

Hmm, yeah, yeah
Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here don't put out the glow
Hold me now don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become, oh yeah

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Sadness is beautiful loneliness that's tragical
So help me I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart

I'm lookin' back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
I'll keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Show you the shape of my heart

haha nak lagu nudge me aites! lol. malas nak tukar lagu in this blog ah. :)

Shape of My Heart

(click the name then plae it)

2007-03-04T19:47:00.000+08:00

A Tribute To My Mls President

Aku mendoakan agar kau selamat sampai dan selamat pulang.insya allah.

Aha and so we all send him off on 03.03.07 to umrah.

Aku berharap agar die dapat ketenangan daripada Allah S.W.T

Insya Allah.

The Meet Between Mr Giant And Mr Dwarf."Omg Ur So Huge"
Aha and so the story continues that another hairy monster made him cry! aha.

Heh Ok yus giler. lets post more piccy!

3 Yeo's Advertisers and 1 Toy 'r' us advertiser.(advertiser or big baby? :p)

Is This A Squirrel, A Kambeng Or A Rabbit?
Im Sure its not a human :p

Oh and this one is a classic! really! ahakz. sry su. caught u offguard.She is just SCRATCHING her nose though.Feeling rather stone after eating that vadeh.

K all that ended.
Here is a tribute to all the ladies.And You.

Jejaka. Wahai Kaum Adam,Kata-katamu sungguh mudah dipercayaiSungguh mudah dipengaruhiSungguh Sedap didengari Wahai Kaum Adam,Janji-janjimu sungguh senang dibuat,Sungguh mudah melemahkan hati kaum hawaSungguh senang juga ia dipecahi.

Wahai Kaum Adam,Sedarilah Semua kesilapan muTahuilah anda betapa sakitnya hati kaum wanitaApabila anda Menyakiti merekaBaik dgn kata-katamu ataupun janji-janjimu
Akan Tetapi... Wahai Kaum Hawa,Jgnlah Kamu pula berhenti mempercayai kaum adamAkan Kerna,Tidak Semua Kaum Adam sebegitu...Ada juga banyak Kaum Adam Yang baik-baik belakaDan Mereka bukan mudah dijumpaiAkan Tetapi,Carilah dengan nalurimuKerna mereka ada disekelilingmu.Menunggu akan masa yang tertentu.

2007-03-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

Im Back

Heh. sry abt the previous post. i felt guilty abt something. heh. and that guilt sparked of the hay wire state of my mind to be from bad to worst. and i suddenly felt hollow and empty hehe. sry su, heerah, ain and amir. and thx people.thx soo much aha. and sry in anyway if i was cruel or harsh ahah. :) anyway im fine now. i had a very good break yesterday... easing my mind... alhamdulilah...(its a miracle i finished those nachos! aha) wee just when i thot it was a great day.... i somehow felt i spoilt someone's day. argh. but no i din i made that someone relieve instead. hopefully you'll stay strong aites :) insya allah. lets live a new lyfe! aha.

Today plak, ease my mind again aha. wee so nice to have long chats right? we shd have more! haha. i really really really would prefer the bus coz its safer! haha. anyway enjoy the marshmallows! haha. im happy today somehow :) .

2007-03-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

ARGH

Bloody hell, whats my tear duct doing ? Where is all the tears when i really need them? where where?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i just want to scream. i really do. why are u so bloody complicated yus? why cant u just make ur lyfe easier for everyone? Why are u doing this? Maybe ur right my old fren. it is me that has problems. ppl dun like my ways but im not changing?

Hmm why must u keep so many things? why must u hide? because u fear it hurt the ppl? yes i do.... why else would i keep it for? i knew a lot of things. and this attitude of mine ppl dun like.... so i tend to act i dun know no shiet. but i wun advise others as if i know. coz i wun want to. im no busybody. but u guys are happy right thinking i know everything?
i feel that im a freak. maybe i am? no i really am.
what the hell
if im gone would anyone cares? i dun believe so.

and i also believe that ur thots abt me would probably change. dun blame you. its wrong of me to hide it anyway. yus... haiz. tak terkate aku.

2007-02-27T00:54:00.000+08:00

Salam people...

hmm i dun know why... after u stop replying to my sms at 12.10 midnite. and then reading heerah's blog... I felt all teary, all sad... a lil bit happy as well. hmm i dun know why. i hope u guys like the ham i bought for u guys aites. i have been searching for that thing for god knows how long. i do know tht its being sold in Giant at bedok but i haven had the chance to buy it before. then somehow at sheng shiong, i just felt like buying it. so yep. though i din taste it aha. din have the mood to eat it. sry mory yep.

Anyway, hmm i realise there is no fluctuation in my mood for the past week and this few days. However i also realise im not as lyfely as i used to be. Well no im not being emotional. im just tired. darn tired. physically and emotionally. I have been out for the whole of last 2 weeks plus this week maybe. hmm. playing soccer most of the time, meetings and outings. i really kinda need a break. maybe movies or just plain sleep for more than 8 hrs at home. lately my slping time is after 2 and waking time by 6/8 or 10.(10 case oversleep and late for stuffs :P)

Hmm that explains why sometimes im down or not that hyper. aha. i do feel fresh but i just dun have the energy to be crazy. e.g at east coast. aha yep i was down because im partially tired and have no appetite. to be truthful, i only ate the 1st b.b.q chicken after nani and her mom left. hmms but my appetite came back when i was at home. ate su's mum nyer mee then the hotdoggies and charcoaled chicken hehe. sedap jugak mee tu! kudos to ur mum!

Hmm i also realised.... i have been to ecp 3 times. but everytime i went home, i dun have this satisfaction. i was starting to wonder why. and after reading rah rah blog, i realised i miss the water breakers. i used to sit there alone to watch the waves and listen to the sounds of nature while clearing my mind. alone. until someone else came and gave me memories there. but somehow i dun believe its the memories thats preventing me from going there. not sure why. hmm i need to emo i guess... soon. haha.

hmm i was kinda upset on the way home from ecp because i was really really alone. all the north peeps went home already. and west had their gangs alone with the east and that leaves mr Yus all alone with malaikats though. heh so yep just took the 853 bus and had a small nap... the bus took 1 hr and it went by places i never been before lol. so yep had a company thru sms though by 2 ppl. thx for cheering me up u two! (u know who u are) and i really din notice my mood was down till u told me. aha.

And fyi. its been 2 whole years since i last swam in the sea. thats why i was so reluctant. hmm but since u guys wanted to chase me so i willingly went inside in order not to be thrown. haha.

hmm.its my lil bro bday today. happy bday to you halim. may u get better results insya allah. hmm haven get him any pressy. dun know what to buy lol. hmm ill think of something.(whats good for a pri 4 kid? lol)

Oh yep dun be shock if i ever wither away at the end of this week or early next week. wither as in missing and gone. that just shows my body cldnt take it no more haha. oh well.

Today soccer was fun lar! wee. hmm but was distracted watching some stuff and got scolded for conceding an easy goal aha. bloody hell! aha im a guy for goodness sake :P Oh well shd have stayed to continue but hmms din know u peeps wanna continue so yep went to lepaked at esplanade underpass while watching ssp training, took some piccys... of u guys then went home hehe. and oh no! i DUN WANT TO BE RELATED TO YOU NANI! lol :P

As the nite passes,
My body withers,
My head ponders,
My feelings fluctuated,

As memories fade,
I grew stronger,
i became determine,
I found a goal.

But as time passes,
a fear came over,
prediction took over,
and i still moved on.

..........................................
Inilah diriku,
jgnlah membenciku,
Bimbinglar aku,
Supaya aku menjadi orang yang sempurna. amin.

2007-02-24T00:50:00.000+08:00

ARGH. lappy shutted down and my post is gone. thx. ciss mak bedah betuls...

K k takper imma rewrite...

You are like a glass
So Fragile
So Vulnerable
Yet so strong.

You were,
Cracked hard with first hit,
And while i was painting the crack over,
You were HIT again.
Broken you were yet still in shape,
However,
I believe that one more hit,
Will cause u to shatter.

This time after the 2nd hit,
I glued you and painted you over.
To hide ur cracks,
And yes you stood strong....

But,
A Reminder came,
And so you were shattered...
I was in TEARS,
helplessly watching you....

But,
I Will Fix you someday.
And This is MY promise to you.

So yep today kite ader match lawan team Zainal. So yep it ended with a 7-3 lost lol. but it was loads of fun ah. And din, kau not meant for right back ah seriously lol. kau bagus betul mark si no 17 and kejar dier and all cumer....tak leh catch up jer lol sampai die masukkan 3 gol. aha. too fast for u lar. aha so yep i entered the match after our team was down 4-0 aha. so i just played the remaining first half with a loan num 15 jersey big size (damn big that it looks as if i din wear shorts) full of paki's sweat. lol so yep 2nd half our team naik 4-3 sey ... wee! lol. and the num 17 stopped scoring anymore goals..... but dunno what happen ah, i think coz sumer penat then they scored another 3 lol.

Aiyoyoyo today i really intended to rest sey. ingatkan nak kasi si din main the whole match or at least the whole of 1st half coz i was too tired. but aiyoyo... kau ni din. aha... but i made one mistake ah... causing the 6th goal lol. i missed an easy interception lol. but oh well. lol

Haiya. monday bola, wed bola,fri bola... besok pagi pun bola...hmm tak tahu leh bangun tak aha. kalau tak bangun sorry eh korang. aha penat gilers ah. hmm lepas tu ade muis dialog session. aha hopefully tak tertido ah. lol. wee. thats all for my story... boring kan? ah tu lar sape suruh baca? jawab! jawab! aha.

Hmm awak u seem so different today. noticed it since morning. dunno what happen but haiz... wished i cld help but seems like ur not telling something.... entahlar...2 days straight it seems. i just wish u would go back to the old you. takper wat ever it is, ill stay here. and try to find out. cant leave u stranded alone in this cruel world. N-E-V-E-R. hmm i know its hard. i really do. but takper ill keep motivating u. though i am disappointed in some of ur actions but i understand why u did it. so its forgiven. somehow just missed that old smile. hmm...

2007-02-22T00:48:00.000+08:00

Wee! Blog can update already... so happy mapie!

haha mcm budak kecik gitu eh yus? sape ajar? korang jugak aha.
So anyway what have i been doing this week? hmm... nothing ? wakakaka
So on monday, my sec sch peeps buat picnic @ sembawang park... so the exciting, ingat nak gi sekali my fren dah ask to play Street soccer at hougang earlier ah....hmm so okae ah... i decide to go plae street first then go picnic micnic. but then Allah s.w.t tak mengizinkan, coz by the time im in the train to go sembawang, faiz says that they are going home already.. aww man. takper lar this sunday picnic ngan budak mls plak!

wee!!!! so the happy but argh PESTA PANTUN SEBOK AH! ciss! makan mancis betul. hmm nampaknye kene teman 4 ekor kambeng amik their cert of participation lar ni haiyo. takpe takpe. then 3.30 leh join korang morangs.

Hmm lepas tu ader b.b.q lagik! yay. mcm soo looking the depan to this day ah. aha. then this friday ader match... ngan team zainal... hmm i think i bring boots but i wun plae ah. let the others have a chance to plae.... especially din, its his debut. so yep let him plae :).... maybe me main bola at sideline tendang mendang ajaring some of u gerl plae soccer amaciam? okae tak? aha. since korang nak start team sendirik mirik kan haha.

hmm so yep itu hari biler main street soccer, the court basah... so satu satu jatuh turn by turn macam telebubbies sey.. aha. cute giler... lagi lagi si "eagle" guy and Faan.... macam nangka dah smelly gitu. aha but the pace of the game was just nice ah enjoy gilers. aha

then today street lagi... aha this time since i brought boots to train but they wanted to plae at street, so i ended up playing with socks only ah. since takde kasut and i dun want to use my new slippers... aha now my socks koyak sey. aha but it was fun fun fun aha lagi lagi the last part hit the tiangs lol. Yes ah! next time play again okae? aha. this time i wear shoes bleh rem to the bats.

Wee dunno why but today cam happy gitus. besok outing yay. but dunno can bangun or not. hmm but never mind looking forward also yay.

I watch the world change
Slowly yet steadily
I watch myself change
a meant to be kinda change

is this what you people want from me?
maybe yes, maybe no.
does this makes me, me?
or just makes me another you?

Hmm let the questions be questions.
Im moving on.
insya allah. ill accept every mistakes of mine with open arms.
and i promise ill make it my plus instead of weakness

But for that to happen,
i need your help.
guide me please.
correct me please.

shd u see me astray,
pull me back
shd u see me going the right way
pat my back.

thx you.

2007-02-18T22:44:00.001+08:00

testing test.

2007-02-18T15:26:00.000+08:00

Hello All
Been sometime since kite update hehe.

Well hows lyfe? hmm lets see, its been fine lately...
Im changin slowly but yet surely.
Haven been caring as much as i used to.
What i have been doing lately is fi i ever sensed something wrong...
What ill do is to ask how are u and if ur okae... but if u insist ur fine, i shall back away.
This goes to most people really. except a few whom i wun leave stranded like that hehe.

Bah yet again i disappointed u huh? twice in what 3 days? hmm yet again u forgave me ?
wow. sometimes i really wonder... how can u be so patient? hmm despite my everlasting sarcasm and crappiness. hmm. others wish for me to stop and when i wanted to, you said please dun, just be urself. hmm maybe ur right.
Thank you.

And so the meeting went fine on sat. alhamdulillah... after the meeting stayed ahwhile at faizul house then went off to go to hazimah fav emo place lol. Nice place really but i prefer places with sea, wind and sunset heh. and i have 3 places in mind. 2 of em being near my place while one at town, at a place which i used to work at and also a place that do give me a lil memories but bah ive moved on. Aha all this 3 places are both mine and ahmad's fav. coz this places gave us some ease of mind and helps to destress. bah i sooo miss the sunset.

Maybe someday i shall bring some of you along to the place in town... insya allah someday. heh.

As time passes by...
Im appreciating it more and more..
The friendship that you gave.
The care and concern you had.
Insya allah someday...
I shall repay...

Though no words cld describe how sry i was....
I hope u know how regretful i was...
I shd have listened yet i didnt.
But because of that, i became stronger....
Strong enuf to face any incomings...
Even though i had yearned for it on saturday,
I stood strong because of something in my mind...
And for that i said no :)
For that i thank you.

Dear Yus,
Please stay strong aites.
You have a lot of things to do.
Please,please, please settle ur mind.
Please move forward...
I cant afford to lay back no more.
I have alot to do, a lot of goals to reach out for.
Though i still need support from people
Still i shall be fine... :)
Insya Allah.

Ps:Btw i soo agree with ur post. very. hmm. takpelar.
Take care and get well soon frens.

2007-02-15T02:06:00.000+08:00

Aha.

Hmm i knew you would somehow figured the difference in me.
Why? hmm nvr mind, andai kau tahu kenape...ku tak tahu ape hendak ku buat. aha.
Alhamdulillah i passed my prac 8 today. thx to everybody that doa'ed for me aha. that includes my family, my bestie and you aha.

Haiyo kak SITI! u made me become an addict to this song lar. you %!$!@#! aha. i ve been listening to this song for like the past 1 1/2 hrs lol. Andai kau tahu- UNGU aiyo...

For what happened two days ago.

Andai Kau tahu kenaper ku tak beritahumu....
Takkan engkau merasa sedih..
Andai kau tahu daripada ku...
Takkan engkau menjadi begini....

Andai tiada engkau....
Ku mungkin masih berterusan...
Andai kau terlihat dahulu....
Tidak kan ku rasa kau menjadi kawanku

Oleh itu wahai sahabatku...
Maafkanlah aku kerna tidak memberitahumu...
Tahuilah kamu, bahawa ku betul-betul berhenti...
Alhamdulillah
Terima kasih dariku kepadamu

insya allah ill update more tml.

2007-02-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

MY LYFE, MY RULES, MY WORLD.

Wee! aha hmm Exams are OVER! yay! hurray hurray. I can slack now.... since i dun think ill be working this hols...entah nak kerja but i dun think i can ah....hmm. alrite anyway so thursday was my last paper.... Started the paper at 9.10 ...finished at 9.30 haha.... then leave the class at 9.40 (30 mins into the start of paper then can leave) aha....then gi lepak at mls while waiting for the rest of the people to finish their papers!

Initially wanted to go find quotations but hmm adelah sebab2 seorang insan tu, die nak balik haha. takpe takpe its alrite :) so ended up following nani and raudha to bugis and meet heerah and su there. And erhm someone is late as usual aha. So after that go lib research on Pesta Pantun...Wee! aha lepas tu mkn pat Swensens! (aww too bad u werent there heh)

On Friday plak dorang nak lepak at raffles.... dunno why i just dun feel like it ah.... so i just stayed in mls with hilmi, ain, heerah and entah siaper lagik aha. Then went home...

Saturday! Bola! Guess what we lost! aha hmm lets see 5-2 ? or something like that wakaka.... I went in when the game was 3-0 losing. masuk terus right back... play play play then they score one more.... aha.... wah the field condition ah can cry say....keras giler with a lot of rocks.... lari sampai sakit kaki sey. dahlah takleh slide wakkaa... but takper. ditakdirkan tuk kalah aha. imagine ah 1 month tak main sumer. aha. then second half i move up to right wing.... boleh lari tu boleh tapi terlepas bola plak aha. misjudge ah. then lastly biler sumer striker kene sub off, jadi striker plak wakakaka. but after the match...hanya allah s.w.t sahaja yang tahu betapa penatnya badan ini aha.

I was like mcm setengah mati just to follow ain ,raudha and nani.... walk at the back of the grp to the coffeeshop sey....aha. wah for once i was like suffering just to keep up with the girls sey. adui adui. aha that is how tired i was. Sampai coffeeshop, terus beli 100 plus aha. at least ade energy aha.

Then terus pergi Pesta Pantun, sempat tengok the previous round compete.... aha kekek sey dorang nyer 2 kerat story telling. etc. Badan ku bau harum, As'salamualaikum.... then reply was Badan aku pun harum, Wa'alaikumsaLUM aha.... lame giler... that was from nuzul anyway aha.

Then SP nyer pun start... wow their intro nice. then their 2nd pantun was nice too.... but overall im proud of you FOUR girls ah :P aha even though u cant answer some, its okae.... its all part of the game k? but overall u did well. Aha then 3/4 thru the pesta pantun, bangun gi toilet then at the stairs tersungkur twice sey! consecutively plak tu.... sakit sey!!! aha... my foot now lebam sey.... ouch ouch aha..... hmm tapi takper lar aha...

AHA YOU ATE! wee! :P

to be updated again! bye bye!

2007-02-07T01:41:00.000+08:00

RANTING MY HEART OUT ONCE AGAIN.

Hmm is that what everybody things?
Is that what everybody wants?

I seriously do not know.

If you people think i know everything.... You are SO WRONG.
If you think i need to know everything.... You are SO WRONG
If you think i want to know evertthing.... You are DEAD WRONG.

You peeps think i really bother to know and care about all this? no i dun my dears.
I dun want to either. but its in me. Its in me that im capable of reading people.
And also its in me that i tend to know what happen. And also somehow i just know.
What am i to do? ignore and dun bother? and be a hypocrite?
This sense in me is GIFT and its also a CURSE
For i tend to know things that i dun have to know
And also things that HURTS me if i knew.

If you guys had wanted it, i would gladly give it away if its a THING.
But it aint. and what am i to do that i already have it?
IF you people want me to backoff... I shall and i will.
The only reason i hadnt done this yet is because...
I cared for every single one of you and i love you guys
And im afraid. yes im BLOODY afraid that shd i back off, you peeps wun have anyone
fall back on.... but what am i to do....

If that is what you people want then i shall
Im not god that i know everything
because i dun, i just know a lot of stuff.
HOW I WISH YOU GUYS KNEW HOW PAINFUL IT IS
TO KNOW WHAT U DUN WANT TO KNOW.
HOW IT FEELS LIKE TO HIDE AND PUSH EVERTHING AWAY
AND LET NOTHING AFFECT MY EVERYDAY LYFE.

But its alrite. no one is at fault.
Words may hurt. but to me words are words.
But im disappointed. i surely am.

And yes my worst fear is and will always be....
The fact that shd you guys fall..and i knew why but i dun bother and u fall further.
Without anyone there to help you up.

Frens...
How i wish you guys understand my pain
How i wish you guys feel my fear
How i wish you guys know what im doing

I never wanted myself to be this way.
I never wanted myself to have this sense.
I wish you knew how i was back then
Who i used to be, Who i was back then

How painful it was everytime i reminisce my past.
How hurt i became everytime i tried to forget it
However i stayed strong despite all that just for you.
Just for each and every single one of you.

Hah, me and my lyfe....
I just tend to rant it out so much
But there are still soo much inside
I dun wish to wear no mask

Why you ask?
Because i dun wish to lie.
I dun wish for to put up an act.
I may hide my true feelings but still
I show my true self. no more a mask

A mask to me is just pure acting
Why shd i act when i can show ppl who i really am?
How can i break other ppl's mask if i myself wears one?
Contradicting wun it be?

Frens....
I just wish you would appreciate me for who i am
NOT who you want me to be.
For i can be that very guy but its just not me.
Its who YOU want me to be.

But for now i shall lay low.
I dun understand things that have been going around
By watching it already hurts me enough
I wun go around caring so much anymore
I shall back down for now, im sorry.

And as for YOU.
Thanks for listening to my crap.
Thanks for helping me push on
Thanks for giving me the assurance.
Thanks for everything.

And i wish you would smile on...

And for my old fren.
Its sad you CANT forget what has happen
But please do not forget you were what kinda caused it.
If u dun wish to i shall not force you.
But with it in mind i can assure you
The barrier shall forever exist as long as the incident is not forgotten.

Thanks for your reply towards what i said.
And for your info my fren,
The reason i said it recently was....
I dun have the heart to say it beforehand

Reason being...
I dun want to remind you of me.
I dun wish that you get all upset again
I left you alone hoping you can forget me.
I purposely gave you time even though i longed wanted to write that.

I wish you to be happy in ur current lyfe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
This has been in my mind for quite some time.

Andai ku menghilang....
Sudikah engkau mencariku?
Andai ku jatuh...
Sudikah engkau mengangkatku?

2007-02-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

Hmm oh well, u misunderstood me. But its okae. I shall not care abt it anymore. I wish u well.

I din meant it to be everything
For everthing meant nothing
For im no god to say that
However im just a normal human

I may not know everything
But i do know a lot of things
It comes from my conscience
And not just from gossips

Im sorry that u misunderstood my intentions
Misunderstood my doings for pushing you
But i meant well
All i wanted was to ask if you are okae

Why are u hiding?
Why must u run away?
Why must u pretend that nothing happens?
But its okae...Carry on doing whatever u feel is right

Who do u think i am?
Personality reader?
I may know u for so long
But attitude changes and so does personality

U used to be independant
U used to be so strong and rough with words
How was i to know that u turned the table?
How was i to know that ur the opposite?

I am not sure who you are anymore dear fren.
You used to be closed with me
You used to be someone i can click with easily
But now, you just seem just like another working partner

It hurts if u want to know.
Seeing you, her and other people the way u are now.
Seeing the changes and feelings inside you people.
Seeing the mask that most of u ppl wear to sch everyday.

I vow to break those mask someday
But i guess things are getting harder it seems.
I can only break the mask if the ppl are close to me
But once im gone the mask re-appears as if nothing happens

Im no god to please everyone.
Im not a bias idiot to side anyone either
Im trying my best to remain neutral to everyone
Oh how i wish you knew how hard it was.

What makes me happy was the happiness
The happiness in people's eyes
The Smiles you ppl gave everytime i tried to be lame
I dun mind sacrifising my stupidity just to make you ppl happy

Even though....
Only one single smile cld really make me happy
It doesnt matter for every single smile matters
At the very least.

I can only hope that you will stay strong.
Stay strong to face the barriers and problems
Given to you specially by HIM
And for now all i cld help by is
By Dedicating this poem specially for you

I hope by me backing away from now on
You'll get better and get over my words
My words aint meant to hurt
Its just meant to say
I know how you feel and i want you to know im here.

I dun want to be a liar.
I dun want to give false hope either
Im not a hypocrite to say false things just to make you happy
But i am an lamer
I can only make you smile with my lame jokes

However i'll promise you this dear fren.
Ill try my best to motivate you
To help you move along further
And for you to know not all hopes is lost.

However i'll promise you this too.
I shall not care abt whatever problems you have
Its up to you to tell or not.
But i WILL NEVER bother to ask again.

This is my promise to you
And this poem is dedicated to you
And to all others.
My heart finally speaks....

Take care everyone :)

2007-02-04T17:52:00.000+08:00

Helo people... its been ahwhile since i last blog properly aha.

So what has been going in my life? Well.... i have been studying alrite with two of my study mates whom help me push myself. yep and i am pushing (not now though coz im kinda resting heh) but anyway thx to them. Alhamdulillah. grats to one for finishing already. and stay strong for the other one ... u can do it! yey! aha

ok so what else? hmm i went to the final Singapore vs thailand the other day and oh my ...the match is so dramatic sey... seriously no kidding aha. for the first time i ever see the whole team left the field in protest to a penalty... aha oh my not only that the crowd was crazy! leaving the v
vulgarity cheer aside, they were like so crazy sey. Chanting happily together , Being angry together... its like their moods changes suddenly, cam mood swing gitu aha. sekejap marah ref, sekejap cheer ref, sekejap lagi maki team thai aha.
Funny lar u singaporeans. Anyway the match ended with us winning and i really din regret going sey. even though the next day i had MATHS paper. aha. Yus GILER! aha. :P
Anyway yep lepas match terus zoom, ahmad send me home aha... secepat mungkin heh. then i studied all the way till morning with my study partner and i tried to wake kambing with 36 miss calls but no use sey. she sleep thruout aha. oh well. alhamdulillah the paper was alrite. din really had a blank mind but yep on saturday i was like dead tired sey due to not having proper slp for 3 days sampai kene marah ngan bapak and some other ppl. aha. so yep saturday balik, solat then terus tido like i promised. so today energetic! wee! yahoo! aha and today ader dua match! Sg vs Thai and Man Utd vs Aper entah luper ah... tottenham i think? aha. oh well

Nampaknya either tak belajar or study late aha. but YOU stay on aites. study hard *tee teet* just received an sms saying the team sg bus just left thai hotel with police escort and on the way to the stadium* aha lets continue. Study smart too! u can do it... jgn malas malas. GOGOGO!

So yep one last paper this thurs! then we are free.! yay. pesta pantun this sat! do come and watch and ppl train hard for it!!! gogogogo! we can try our best.... and yep i heard MIQ is coming to town...but no invitation yet aha. lets see who will be our successor! aha. we got -1 for that i wonder if they are gona beat us with -10? aha we shall see.

Anyway to my old fren:

Buang semua puisi
Antara kita berdua
Kau bunuh dia sesuatu
Yang kusebut itu cinta

I see you have been doing well in ur lyfe.
I just hope that u continue whatever ur doing and not be reminded of the past.
I dun know if u still do read my blog any longer or not but its alrite.
I just hope u dun hate me or whatsoever.
Its not that i purposely din contact u again or whatsoever but seeing that u would rather avoid me and live on, i decided that i shall not bother u or remind u of the past.
Just that i hope u dun hate me for i have already forgiven you. and i hope u forgave me too.
Please dun avoid mls or its people for they have not done any wrong.
but if u still want to, i wun force you.
I just want to thank you for giving me memories and also for giving me an experience...
I never wanted a past in this kind of things but i guess i just cant avoid it.
From all this im learning to be someone better... insya allah
And to u, i hope u have a better someone.. or at least treat him better from whatever u learn
Im happy that u did changed into a better person while being with me and i hope it continues.
And yep who are we to decide who we will be with if its not for HIS decisions?
So i hope if Ridhuan is meant for u, dun push him away. insya allah if its meant to be its meant to be.
Besides he is a nice person and is always there for you
And also i hope u stay happy with Sheila And Nuraini.
I have never forgotten and i will never do like i once told u.
Im sorry if there is a barrier between us everytime we met but at least i will always say hi coz no matter what ur still a fren to me.

For that i shall end with a puisi

In lyfe, There are ups and downs
Dun let the downs keep us down
And Dun let the ups Kept us above the ground
Lets get back to reality and come back to the ground

In lyfe there are memories...
Good ones and bad ones.....
Dun let the bad ones turn to hatred
And dun let the good ones turn us blind...

In lyfe there are mistakes...
Mistakes made by everyone
even you and me...
Let us learn from this mistakes...

In lyfe there are always the future...
Lets get the goals in our future
And if ever we met 10 yr down the road...
Lets not hate each other...

In lyfe, there are others....
Meaning i may not be the one for you
Which means others are ...

Or for other people...
You may think im not for you...
But maybe i am....

Who knows? we can only wish we do....
So lets not hate....
Lets forgive and forget...
Lets move on in our lyfes.

Whatever happens lets not stop believing in HIM
Lets not stop praying to HIM
For HE knows everything
And HE decides everthing
But dun forget
Its us who plans..........

Girl, lets forgive and forget. lets move on.

And for my brother in mls. If u think its the same ...its Not. its different, i nvr want it to be this way. and i was just waiting for the right time to come back to my old fren. just giving it time to be forgotten. for she cldnt forgive me that time. but i believe now she cld. insya allah.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i cant wait for camp! wee! and i think most prob, photographes shall be lil rah rah, rooster, me and lil vampy! wee. and yes i do know that we will need more than 1 photographer. since rooster OR amir is our official video man. But before that lets settle the planning first shall we?

I have a LOT of responsibilities and im taking em back one by one :)....
lets end this post with a pantun

Makan longan, bermain pakau,
Tengok Apai bermain dgn kaki,
Tengok bola dgn terpekik-pukau
Jgnlah sampai termaki-maki

LETs hope SINGAPORE wins today k? GO LIONS (ROARS)
Im happy nowadays :) thx to ur smile.

2007-02-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

-KAU ILHAMKU-

Beribu bintang dilangit
Kini menghilang
Meraba aku dalam gelap

Rembulan mengambang
Kini makin suram
Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah

Sedetik wajahmu muncul Dalam diam
Ada kerdipan ada sinar
Itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
Terima kasih kuucapkan

Chorus

Izinkan kumencuri bayangan wajahmu
Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
Maafkanlah oh...
Andai lagu ini Mengganggu ruangan hidupmu
Kau senyumlah oh...
Sekadar memori Kita di arena ini
Kau ilhamku... (x2)
( ulang Chorus )

2007-01-30T03:30:00.000+08:00

Happy

Aha today im soo happy and motivated. thanks to you two. for keeping me company and you for keeping me motivated aha. wee! im smilling. and yes thx for your smile. aha. and im happy too after all this while u r finally standing up and my work all this while is not in vain. alhamdulillah. stay strong aites everyone ....GOGOGO! wee. :) Last lap in this race of 06/07... LETS SPRINT!
Kau Ilhamku.

Hello.

2007-01-26T11:36:00.000+08:00

I dunno what have i done... I have been working on the project for 3 whole days yet... when it came about that day. i have nothing to present... I watched as my friends present and all tat..I got up and walk out of the class. i know i cant get any single marks. Its so damn disappointing lar. but what can i do right ? So all i did was straight go to mls. Hmm but one thing is for sure... i would have to repeat that very module. chances of passing is very low.

Hah yep, if i wanted to say i din have time for myself, no i have plenty of time for myself and others for i dun waste my time crying or sulking...worst to worst ill just spend 10-20 min staring at nothing to relieve my mind...

I dun know what has been going on in my lyfe really. haiz. sometimes i just wish ppl would want to know both sides of story instead of doing anything ... hmm i dun do anything for no reason... and yes i know im a complicated person.. yes even i sometimes dun understand myself.

Hmm what else more can i say. takper biarlah ini sumer aku amibil sebagai hikmah... mungkin suatu hari nanti akan ku fahami.

Thx u for lending an ear aites. insya'allah ill be as per normal soon enuf.

2007-01-23T05:07:00.000+08:00

No Use For A Name

"Life Size Mirror"

Lyrics

She was done before the start, always mending broken hearts
Making others miserable not knowing who she's hurting
Father said, "This day will be, one for everyone to see"
Is it true you'll follow suit and have you learned a thing?
It's just a selfish way to go, it's safe to say she'll never know

For every person there's a whole life story waiting to be told
When she is happy it's OK, but then these people start to fade
Then we'll just watch her self-destruct as she gets old

She put up defensive shields, to walk through all of life's minefields
All defined by make-up and a car behind she's hiding
"Father do you have to go, left me questions I dont know"
Any answers or even close the life time lie was true

She's gonna move on with her life, and take it one heart at a time
And watch the little girl inside her wait behind as she goes on
But with this black heart she decides, who she'll take in and shove aside
Until the day she sees that everyone is gone

Getting used to people leaving, thinking true love is deceiving
Soon she'll know how lonely it can be

Now was it really worth the pain? A couple pills make her feel sane
While she lives out the story written for the part she is to play
With so much shame for her to hide, there's no more dignity, no pride
Then there will only be dark in her light of day

And she will only see a reflection, of her father's rejection
Nothing will change until she breaks this life, this life-size mirror

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My favorite song for 2 years. Somehow i felt like posting its lyrics today aha.

2007-01-23T02:09:00.000+08:00

Hmm im back.
In sch right now overnighting at moberly @ SP. And its 2.30am and im doing project while the rest is studying. Hmm.

Dun know why today i was pasrah-ing all the way right after i return to SP @ about... 5.30pm. Hmm i was thinking about something i guess. Well what can i say right... Then while walking with them guys for nite walk... i dun know what came into me lar. seriously i was walking behind alone and i din even feel a bit scared of anything. Hmm i was lucky nothing happen though. Until at the toilet that someone asked me to try to not show my pasrah-ing. so yep i put up a mask right after and tire myself with my giler-ness. but it so fake though. oh well. Had a good sprint with arep and wan down the road at business block. Sprint with bare leg and of course i kinda slowed down coz its damn painful and so arep took the lead. aha. give me shoes and ...ok nvr mind its not nice to say that.

Ya allah ya tuhanku. i really feel like giving up already.i made a really wrong move lately. And i am soo doomed right now. Project submission is in 2 hrs and i have done almost nothing. I really really feel like giving up right now. hmm i just dun wanna repeat for 6 months. argh. i just feel like crying man. i have no book to do the project but just now if i had went home i most prob would have slpt... argh. haiz. i give up....

Yus... im so bloody disappointed in you.

2007-01-21T01:22:00.000+08:00

HAHA

had u not stop me, i would have kept to my promise
but its alrite. ill do what i can to make u better.

2007-01-20T23:26:00.000+08:00

Buat mu. :)

Wahai Kawan-kawanku...

Ingatlah pada masa depan mu....
Belajarlah engkau demi kerjayamu...
Janganlah kerna masalah...
Kite meninggalkan pelajaran kita.

Marilahlah kita semua...
Sedar akan reality....
Masalah memanglah mengacaui semua
akan tetapi..
Janganlah kite teramat melayaninya...

Mengapakah harus kita belajar?
Mengapakah tidak kita terus melayani masalah?
Kerna pelajaran lar yg menentukan masa depan mu
Dan bukan masalah yang hanya membelenggu dirimu...

Marilah bangit wahai kawanku...
Sedarlah engkau sebelum engkau disedari...
Dan pada ketika itu...ia sudah terlambat...
Untuk engkau menyedari akan silapmu....

Teruslah mencuba walaupun ia susah...
Teruslah memaksa walaupun diri tidak mahu...
Kerana akan suatu hari nanti engkau sedar...
Ia adalah terbaik buatmu, wahai kawanku :)

2007-01-20T01:12:00.000+08:00

Multi Post

I shall not be selfish.
I shall remain neutral.
And that i promise you.
------------------------------------------
I may have ran out of words to say...
Actions to do....
But never will i ever leave you peeps alone.
------------------------------------------
I may not know everything...
Nor that i might even know anything...
But trust me i can read thru you.
------------------------------------------
You may try to avoid adding problems to me.
You can even try to not include me...
But believe me...
ill know it sooner or later.
So all im asking for is be urself :)
------------------------------------------
Here is a story that i recently found.
There was this grp of ppl.... whom was separated due to LACK of love.... badly separated and they cldnt even work together so there many ppl being displease with each other.... so later on.. a well respected man brought about love to this grp... and yes this helps the grp alot until everybody started working together and loving one another.... it was all balanced until somehow... love poured and poured non stop till it overflows... and there was too much love in the grp that unhappiness crept in yet again.... whats happening to the grp... a guy wondered... but all he cld was to continue wondering... then there was this one person whom ppl wished to see happy... but when it was close to seeing that person happy...everybody started backing off due to fear that this person might fall again harder.... whats with this back off? the guy wondered... dun u know that the person will even fall harder? so all he did was to stay and to wish the person happy even though he knows that more than he shd.... all he wants to do know is to try make the person live life not alone and wishes the person knows that he is around at all time even if the person did or did not make the correct choice for he knows everybody makes mistakes and no one is perfect. he is always around fading in and out of picture.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
found this somewhere while searching for articles heh.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
I just wished i had tears.
i really do...
I was sincerely berdoa-ing and i really felt like crying.
but all i cld afford was... wetting my eyes and it stopped there.
Twice.
Haiz... happy new muslim year to u all.
Is my heart stone cold?
Allahualam bisawab.

The Heart Bearing all the pain in the world.

2007-01-14T13:26:00.000+08:00

The Heart Bearing all the pain in the world.

And he is bearing it alone.

And yet she can still feel as if she is the only one feeling her own pain.

But its alrite.

He is handling it well.

But he believes that this will one day teach him....

That there is really no world without tears.

and one day... just one day... he really will have tears...

Till then. he'll just cry in his heart. heh.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Tears.. i reall wonder what it meant. what i really feels. i miss it. everytime i feel teary... i can feel tears in my eyes....but itll dry up as soon as it wets the eye. hmm i guess im feeling it like the person above maybe? aha.

Anyway. bought myself a new boot on friday...Nike Steam FG. hmm first boot i ever bought. aha. And im loving it aha. Cost a bundle but nah i din regret. So our team drew on that day.
4-4 hmm but funny...coz i was still energetic after the match. i think the next game onwards. i wanna be like gary neville. i want to push forward and not waste my energy. insya allah.

And so on the very friday before i went off to queensway to buy my boot. We went to watch Taufik Batisah on his campus tour in sp. cool he was... and i had fun watching it even though at first i was doubting if i shd go or not. but since i had nothing to do so i just went and yes. i was very very entertain by my two favourite 98.7 radio DJ's Vernon and Justin... wee! and the two pro guitarist and Taufik's First I Dream song, Usah lepaskan and also all because of you aha.

well. dunia.....aha funny how it entertains us so much. when what we shd remember akhirat and Him.

Well thats lyfe i guess.

Ku lihat dunia hanya sebagai sementara...
Akan tetapi sementara seperti terlalu lama...
Sehinggakan kami manusia....
Termasuk akan alam mimpi dan...
lalai akan keseronokan dunia...

Sakit hati ni wahai manusia...
Melihat,terlihat dan terpaksa lihat...
Kesakitan,Kepedihan, ketangisan
Anda semua....

Akan tetapi...
Hanya sedikit sahaja yg dapat ku bantu...
Yang lain kadang kala fikiran ku buntu...
Tetapi tidak pernah aku mengaku...

Biarlah...
aku sahaja yang menguatkan diri...
Aku sahaja yang melarikan diri
daripada masalah yang mengejari diri
kerna aku belum ade masa untuk melayani diri.

Wee!
im jst glad that while all this while ppl are having problems... i dun have my own.
Well i do just that it doesnt affect me...
lets see...

My heart?
Its full of love and care for everyone.

My feelings?
Its neutral for everyone... i love everyone just the same...(is this a lie? i doubt so.)

My hope?
For everything to return to normal... and everyone including you to be happy.

My family?
There aint no problem...

My dad and mum?
Just sometimes pissed that i keep going home late aha.

My sister?
Hmm this is hard. but i wish her all the best. i love her.

My brother?
Big: hmpf! no matter how cruel ... still love him anyway.
Small: Hope he does his best in sch. heh bully him now sebelum die dah besar, aku yang kene bully.

my 2 best friends:
i dun know what to say. i just hope i din lose you.
the other one is damn close tht i know he always here.

my sec sch friends:
sry if we din get to spend so much time together. everyone is just busy while some are free and working. so yep i wun forget each and everyone of u ever. love u guys

my mls peeps.
u guys are a family to me. i ll nvr give up any single one of u. no hate, no grudges. i just want everbody to be happy even you and you and you and you and you. aha. berapa byk you lar.

as for me.
Im like a chameleon. blending in and out of picture and being everywhere aha. dun worry abt me, ill be fine. wee. i just wish u guys come to me okae. for thats what makes me happy. knowing that i can make u guys happy and feel better. alhamdulillah

An angel from afar.

2007-01-12T02:32:00.000+08:00

An angel from afar.

I Salute You.

:) im satisfied and appreciative of everything. even my flaws.

2007-01-11T01:47:00.000+08:00

You got us worried there for a second...
but we still love u no matter what...
even though it pains our heart...
we will always be there for u...

I love every single one of u ppl... that i call my fren
Im sry for whatever bad deeds that i had done.
plz sound me...shd ever i went out of line.
And i appreciate you guys so much...

And i just want to thank YOU....
for giving me the care and concern...
u made me smile yet again.
and you made me feel better as well.
Thank YOU. aha.

And guys and girls...Stay STRONG! aites. if u need to fall or lean back...
IM ALWAYS here for u... but if im not search for me kay?
sometimes i may tend to back away a lil coz i kinda feel lonely at times ah.
sometimes jer tak byk aha. but im always here :)
Always.... ill nvr abandon mls and its people...
NOT EVEN YOU my brother. :)
My love for all is forever equal.... and im always neutral...i dun wish to side no party.
And Thank you Allah s.w.t :) for letting me be me.

hallo

2007-01-08T03:15:00.000+08:00

Peeps i just posted a new post before the love is like 3 ppl on the road* post. And welcome back to the person :) and happy schling again guys! :)

Hello again!

2007-01-07T16:37:00.000+08:00

:) first off a smile aha.

Hmm i just want to relate a story in which a fren of mine, A B C told abt love.
Love is like 3 person walking on the same road.

What am i talking abt? here let me explain.
As we are all moving on the same road....
We fall in love with someone... or admire...
so we as B go for the very person....not knowing how good they are or how bad they are either... so as we keep moving forward going for the very person A, we din notice anything... our flaws, our deeds and all. So while moving along the road..we do not know if there is anybody else that cares for us, that are there for us all this while. So if ever B made a mistake and fall..., it wun be A that will notice it first but its C who will and they will be the very first person there to help us up before A, will turn around and notice it too to start helping....

Meaning... Sometimes in lyfe we are going for whoever we and our feelings want...without noticing that there are others that cares for us quietly...caring and taking care and watching u all this while... and since we are so blinded by our feelings, we always feel that we dun get what we want and nobody cares for us but thats wrong. there are others that care... just that we din notice it while we are so into following our feelings. but sometimes its this C who is the actual right person for us since its C that actually cares not A. so lets not sometimes be lost in our world of feelings aite. check out everything and everyone... is the person we chasing the right one? or is there others that actually cares and are always there for us... so who is the right one? u ask urself aites :)

Im sry...

2007-01-07T14:55:00.000+08:00

aww crap... updated then lappy shutted down. :(

anyway just want to say sry to all those yesterday that are affected by me. Truthfully i was lost in between two of my own world. The world with feelings and the world without... Thats who i am... a person full of feelings but nvr showed up front because its all kept in my hidden world. heh. this was made because i was too involved with my feelings during my depression days...i was soo lost in it that time that i cldnt control it and i was having far too many migraines... and it hurts way too much... so i decided to make this thingy exist within myself.... so how i control it?
heh... the reason why i can get and listen to you guys is because im able to control my emotions.

What u ppl really need is not me to solve ur problem but me to lend an ear so u can rant ur feelings out and feel better so that at the end of the day. YOU can solve ur own problem.

alrite. so yep sry to all those that are affected between 1 am to 4 am yesterday. din meant it. i was seriously stuck. i wun want to run away. i just wanna fade away for a lil while to get back to the right world :). I was too tired then...
And so here i am back to where i was. wee!

Reason why i was too tired was because... i was waiting for someone's msg on that very morning *2+* but she din reply.... so waited till 4.40 before i slpt..and woke up at 6.30*thx wan for giving that wakey call lol* so siap and went to tampines for the match. * was late by 15min* aha so we played at 9.30 and won !!! 4-3 ...thx to kambeng and thai player. aha. And the defence was superb on 2nd half aha. betul tak?

Defence was Yus,Wak,Nizam,Arep aha... power beb. kanan tak lepas heh. but me and wak ade good communication ah best. cover up for each other. arep pun power running. and nizam clearance baik.

Then after that tea party!!! retro beb! aha so yep went to arep house after match to siap and mandi... took cab there....

lol look at that elvis tak menjadi style of jambul and someone can still used to say my hair not long :P

then we took cab to orchid country club plak
reach there to realise we were the first among all mls peeps hah.
so yep lepaked around the lobby.

Then they arrived and wow liyana was cute... hazimah was...nice... ama was hot *pakai merah aper.* aha ... su was very retroish*black and white polka dot and nani looks pretty in those pinky dotted dress.

the guys was all nicely dressed as well *this one i let the pictures do the talking....
My Shutterfly

So yep... its kinda cool and all the high tea... then nearing the end... i won lucky draw number 30! lol won a multi-cooker..whatever that is. then arep was voted one of the best dressed among 3 others... and he won as well and he sempat did a dance while catwalking aha *berkat tengok saturday nite fever pat youtube* aha. The girl who won , was hot thats why she won aha. guys will always be guys huh? :D So yep arep wanted to take a photo with her so yep here it is...*OMG THE GIRL LOOKS MY COUZIN aha. but i dun think she is ah*

So since i din get the photo with the hot girl, nadiah... i took a photo instead with mls hot chick, ama*LOL* eh jgn marah ye. adelah sebab-sebabnye hua hua hua*

hehe. so here is the pic of girls contingent

Jantan-jantan hehe. *Faan tgh mencari kutu2 dlm tu rambot ah*

together2 heh. handsome jgak tu elvis tak menjadi eh? aha.

Heh and here is some random piccies.

Then we go bowling!!! *Nani caught a giant pikachu!* aha * look at how everybody loves ama*

aha thats all for the day... after that went back home alone... fled skejap till 12 am before going online hehe... so yep take care peeps!

Im tired...

2007-01-06T03:43:00.000+08:00

I really meant it. im really really tired...literally tired...
not tired of layaning u all with probs or layaning ur feelings...
just that i have been slping at 5 or more for the past 5 days.
and im just soooooo tired... and i really need a rest.
so yep ill wither away for today....

and sry for being ultra tired on thursday. or look as if im sick...
its just coz im very tired and full of fatique that day.
slped only for 1 1/2 hrs... then play soccer lagik
hmm shd have followed ain and went home instead aha.

hmm kene "sound" plak tu.
Dah tahu penat, abeh masih nak ikut dorang lepak lepak!
pi balek tido kan lebih afdhal! aper dah!

aha ouch! heh.
anyway im off to rest. bsk match with spmls united.
ARGH I REALLY WNT TO PLAY STREET SOCCER WITH MY SEC SCH FRENS AGAIN
BUT WHY MUST IT ALWAYS CLASH WITH MY MATCH? ARGH ARGH ARGH! AHA.
oh well... takper lah...takdir illahi ....sorry eh korang.....

For You Bro...

2007-01-04T03:51:00.000+08:00

Kawanku...
Ku hairan akan sikapmu...
Ku hairan akan perasaanmu...
Ku hairan mengapa engkau buat sebegitu

Kawanku...
Mengapakah harus kau menyimpan semua perasaanmu?
Mengapa harus kau menunggu hingga penuh?
Mengapa sampai Kau meletup baru mahu engkau melepaskan?

Ku hairan...
Akan sikapmu ya sebegitu
Yang mementingkan masalah orang lain sebelum dirimu sendiri
Yang sanggup membuat muka palsu di depan orang ramai
Hanya supaya dapat kau membantu mereka...

Mengapakah...
Mengapa harus engkau buat sebegitu?
Mengapa harus engkau menipu dirimu sendiri?
Mengapakah kau sanggup menunggu hingga kau meletup
Dan menyinggung hati kawan kawanmu yang mahu membantu?

Aku harap....
Kau berubah...
Kau luahkan perasaan tersembunyi mu itu...
Kau kisahkan dirimu dahulu sebelum yang lain...
Kau janganlah simpan hingga meletup...

Aku faham...
Bahawa kau sayangi kawan-kawanmu semua...
Kau kisah pasal kami semua...
Kau mahu kami gembira...
Tapi ini bukan caranya...

Luahkanlah...
Luahkanlah perasaanmu itu...
supaya dapat ku luahkan juga...
kerna aku tidak sanggup melebihkkan lagi bebanmu itu
Selagi kau tidak meringankan ia dahulu...

Bukan ku tak mahu...
Tetapi ku tak sanggup...
Akan keulangan hari itu...

Ill miss you. 2006

2006-12-31T12:55:00.000+08:00

So yep imma have 20 minute left before its a new year. and a continuation of my 2006 beginning. And as promised here i attempt to a poetry.

And so it came.... 2006
A year in which i wonder
And ponder to what will happen
Will it be like 2005?
or will it be like 2003?

I dun know but i just moved on...
embracing myself to face new challenges
alongside my two besties ahmad and nadiah...
Together we fought and entered 2006...

Started off with me and ahmad
spending time together watching fireworks
At marina promenade
With it still fresh in my mind

Me and him... at 12...
a moment i soo treasure.
14 years of frenship
together we strive
together we fall
and together we moved forward
to face the brims of lyfe.

We actually went with a grp of frens
frens i treasure and are close with
together we celebrated thru the nite
a year in which i was still astray...

the crowd all came to rush forward
separated them with me and ahmad
At first my mind was filled with regret
But then i realise,
i would rather be with ahmad than anyone else in the world.

And so it arrived ....
i was really scared
a repeat of my lonely years...
i yearn for frenship
but ended up hardship...

A resolution was made..
out of the many i thot abt
only two was chosen...
To make new frens
and to improve on my religion

And so it arrived...
I embraced myself tight
Looking bright
and looking tight.

I went all out
to search for frenship
at last i found him
in a place called mls

I din went for camp
so i had a hardtime
i had to break barriers
and sacrifise time
to move myself up
and be known thruout...

At first came kompang
Then came taman ilmu
Camp evolusi was the most obvious
in which i became known.

And so it was told
By a fren i just known
That this was to be the year
in which happens to by my year.

From nothing to something
from lonely to feeling home
I rose thru the people
From a person nobody knows
to a person everybody heard of...

At first i felt happy
Being known by all
Until i met this someone**
who changed it all.

I made a promised
bring nurhayat further
to rise mls higher
and to share my skills with all

And so it seems
i did it all...
With pride and smile
i showed it all

One day it came
that i met you
the one who moved my heart
the one who stole my heart

Together with you
i learned many things
one of the few
i learn wat was love...

But together with you
While happy and sad
i realise the truth
my soul was not meant for you

But with you i thank
For giving me those wonderful moments
wonderful times and making me realise
the rights and wrong of lyfe

Now its time to move on...
with a heart thats painful
i thot i lost my feelings
but god is gracious

God is gracious
for he showed me the truth
he is the all mighty
he started me a new

With a new heart
i moved
along with my soul
in search of anew.

Exco-34th
a family i treasure
with you i fall
and with you i stood up again

You guys taught me things
Ill nvr learn on my own
Things i'm dying to learn
memories that'll last a lyfetime

And so it seems
MLS became my 2nd home
A place im at
at every break
at every time

I became close with everyone
I slowly understood each
and everyone's miseries,
happiness and wonders...

I tried my best
To make everyone
Feel at home
and feel belonged.
and not feel lonely
and nvr feel useless

Why u asked?
Because i know how it feels
To be lonely
to be alone
in this cruel world

Facing everyday
dreading when will it end
When will things look up
Will i ever be happy again?

Ive been thru all that
So here i am
Wishing everybody to be happy
Helping everybody up
from falling ever further :)

And so i met someone
Who fall even further
in lyfe, in sch
And so i tried

to promise myself
to promise my heart
That ill help her to stand
and help her to what lyfe was abt.

She changed my believes
She changed my thot
Being famous was not all
Lyfe's about

I rather lay low
i rather hid my name
to not be the person
who's known by fame

I wish to be the
person who comes
leaves a mark in
everybody's heart
and leaves with ppl saying
Thats my fren :)

ive too made many close frens i treasure
truthfully and really close to my heart
a few of whom i called my brothers
and one whom i regarded as a sister.

Many more became my brothers in faith
and others became frens im rather close with
which allow me to let my emotions run flow
my feelings abt anything and everything
without holding em back
And to the few of you, I thank you.

And to my partner in pub
Uve been thru alot
and we've been thru alot
together we fall, and together we shall stand
or at least, i shall help you stand
back up once again like you once were.

Had it not been because of you,
I dun know if i last till today
You were the one with the brains
And i was the one who knows
and motivate us to do the same

to the rest of the exco's
Im happy be with you guys
Had it not been for you
ill remain fallen
and unknown

Im wishing that we go all out
upon this next event
lets show em all
what we are capable of

Lets give em all
a sweeter memory
than camp evolusi
a better ending to my last yr in poly

The time has come for me to end
And so i wish for a last request
To know ur smiling in the last few minute
and keep the memory
till the end

And so here i end
waiting for 2007 to come
and so it shall be
the year, for you all
my frens......

Yusri.

Sry for this berterabur poem. Its very bad but i did it in one hour lol

New Year's resolution?

5 of em.

1)To be a better muslim
2)work hard, stay strong and love myself
3)Make this a yr dedicated for my frens for 2006 was a year for me
4)improve on fitness & soccer skill
5) be less sarcastic (hehe)

and yeah. so good bye 2006
It was a great year, it was MY year.
a year opposite of my lonely 2005 years,
Thank you Allah s.w.t
For letting me be me :)

WELCOME 2007!!!!

2006-12-30T19:56:00.000+08:00

I finally understood the reason why its hard for u to let go.
Its for the promise.
Ouch, i nearly cried reading it (hey i have a heart too tau! lol but as usual i have no tears)
its painful, i realise.
But when a heart's been hurt for too many times, it tends to let go....It cant bear the pain.

Slowly one by one who is by ur side is crumbling...
Backing off, withdrawing and pondering
Why?
Why are u soo ignorant?
why dun u want to listen to us.
We all feared for u
but we can only doa for u.

We are all speechless.
And out of ideas as to how to make u feel better.
But we aint giving up...no ...I AM NEVER giving up.

And so it seems, u kinda spoiled the day i was suppose to have fun with my sec sch frens.
But its alrite.
For i had fun anyway.
Even with a worried heart.
If the chance was ever given, i would rush from ecp to send u to the doc.
But u din want to.

Its alrite young one.
We aint giving up on u yet.
We are still gona try our best.
Slowly and steadily.
We'll help u move on....
And so it seems...

wee!

2006-12-29T01:35:00.000+08:00

aha and so u smiled. aha.

dee dee dum dum dee dee dum.
Hmm hopefully the problem is solved.
lets pray for the best aites.

And yes knowing some truth do hurts.
But its alrite, wun let anything bring me down no more.
i hope. :P

tml. bbq with A.I peeps. im soooooooo looking forward to it guys.
:)

untukmu nani.

Hatiku sakit melihatmu sebegini.
Hatiku pilu melihatmu menangis.
Hatiku gundah menunggumu melepaskannya.
Hatiku sedih dengan mu

untukmu wan
Fikiranku buntu mengapa berlakunya ini
Fikiranku faham perasaan mu
Fikiranku pening melihat apa yang terjadi
Fikiranku harap engkau tabah menahan

-------------------------------------------------
Andai ku tahu perkara ini akan berlaku
Akan ku mengelakkan semuanya
Andai ku tahu semua yang berlaku
Akan ku lebih memahami dirimu
Andai ku cuba mengelakkan perkara ini
Akan ku kesal jika ia berlaku

aha. i dunno what im crapping but i just felt like doing so wee! :)

2006-12-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

And so my smiles ends here. The day i see u lost ur feelings.

To all my frens i dedicate two lousy things i wrote.

Feelings

Feelings...
Everyone has feelings my fren
Its what made us humans
Without it we are nothing

Because of it,
We live
We hope
and we look forward to tml

Without it...
We lost hope...
We became depressed...
We stop hoping for tml to come

So which is better ohh dear feelings
Help me decide
Shd i keep u?
or shd i ditch u.

Feelings is actually words
Its something that makes us happy, sad,angry
without it...
We are just feelingless humans

So come on...
Dun be upset too much
Dun let feelings consume us...
Instead of being control by it

We should take control of it

Think abt it dear frens.
Its not everything...
But its something...
Lets not waste it...

Turn ur views dear frens
Dun let it spoil ur lyfe
Live with it...
Look forward to it.

Im sure tml will be better.
Lets not stop hoping.
Lets not play with our feelings.
For lyfe is more than just our feelings :)

Yus,
-----------------------------------------------------
Perasaan.

Perasaan...
Adakah ia real?
Sehingga dapat mengugat hati manusia
Adakah ia kejam?
Sehingga hati manusia pasrah kerana ia.

Perasaan...
Tanpa ia...
Anda dikata mati...
Dengan ia...
Anda terlalu mengikutkan hati

Perasaan...
Gembira,Sedih,Marah
Apakah maknanya?
Adakah ia baik?
Ataupun buruk...

Perasaan...
Patutkah kite melayankan ia?
Jikalau ia, kenapa hingga pasrah?
Jikalau tidak, kami seperti robot.
pening,pening aku memikirnya

Perasaan...
Mengapakah anda kejam?
Mengapakah kami terlalu melayanimu?
Mengapakah susah kami menolakmu?

Itulah soalan-soalan hatiku...

Perasaan...
Adalah apa yang membuat kami manusia...
Ialah yang membantu dalam hidup kami...
Menolong kami terus berharap...
Dan jugak membuat kami....manusia

Perasaan...
Janganlah berlebihan kita melayannya.
Kerana jika terlebih,
Kita yang pasrah...
Dan menyakiti hati kita...

Perasaan...
Marilah kita berkerja-sama
Menhidupkan semula perasaan-perasaan ku
Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih
Marilah membina hidup yang baru.

Yus.
---------------------------------------------------------------

Yusri Wee!

2006-12-26T01:46:00.000+08:00

Aha today yep me and liyana kaypoh follow ahmad, Heerah and ama on a meeting abt the darma article heh. So yep i came late ah as usual aha. And hanged out with them for ahwhile... played pool a bit... and wow i sucked after so long not playing it... aha. right ama, heerah ? heh.

Oh well after that playing pool. we went off to vivo city because ama and liyana tak pernah gi situ... though its my 3rd time going there.... twice with the exco's. So yep we lepaked outside vivo near the sea or river or whatever that is as usual...talked and sing.... and we met liyana fren called Farhana and she really really really reminds me of 'arifah's bestfren farhana too. just without tudung aha. twins maybe? huahuahua.

So yep we sat there listening to Heerah sing her heart out... with ahmad spoiling the songs occasionally. and a duet by heerah and farhanah.. Woo and enjoyed the breeze. It just feels good because i have been smilling these days ah.*even though i know u ain't smilling*. Aha went around vivo and bought myself a Cap... FINALLY! lol i have been looking for one and so i bought an FC Barcalona cap which is damn nice and looks like my old Nike cap which i lost ! !#$%^@#

Aha and its the type where its flat up front so yep... im sooo loving it and also i bought myself a new sandal!!! wee finally after so long wearing that thorn and tattered nike sandal which i still love but is too... urmmm. heh Im just soo happy today. heh but sadly i din get to buy boots yet coz its too expensive or i dun really like. hmm oh well. one day maybe. For now im satisfied with wht i have.

BTW its been 1 1/2 years + since i last shopped so yep. aha. im not the shopping kind of person ah. i only buy when i feel i have da money and i need it hehe. And yep not even in darma i shopped... i went home empty handed lol. Well thats just me :) and im happy the way i am. BUT BUT BUT i dun mind temaning anyone to shopping ah heh.i dun mind walking around window shopping.

All smiles :)
*thinking of ways to make more than just the dp to smile, Insya allah one day i might find the solution...*

aha and so it continues...

2006-12-25T00:35:00.000+08:00

haha. two days straight now im smiling. alhamdulillah. things may not have solved yet but im happy that at least its looking up for me and i stopped falling. Im maybe hanging still but im trying my best to start climbing again.

aha and so the truth abt me was known heh. i dun mind. i prefer being asked than to be heard abt me from others heh.

And yes nani apologized. alhamdulillah. she sounds calmer. i dun know wat happen but i hope its for the best nani. i may have done something wrong but thats because u crossed the line.but shd u stay in the line... i promised nvr to do that again. I still treasure u as my partner in pub now and forever. just dun hate me i hope.

And You* i have u to thank for that. i dun know wat u did but she wasnt angry. alhamdulillah. u made my day twice in a row. yep. dun be upset aites. what u did was just a small mistake. be strong and believe in urself.

*Staring at some dp picture and smiling to myself* cramp sey muker aku aha. yus is crazy. aha.

Anyway let me post up a pic of me and my future to be sis-in-law!!!!(insya'allah if allah s.w.t wills it)

Aha ain says she is pretty... and i think so too what do u think?
Her smile is pretty too!!! but i know of someone with a nicer one :P

Here is a picture of my brother!!!

Handsem tak?
To me my brother is. :) even though we sometimes fight over small things... i still love him aha.
And yes ain, he is taller lol.

This one picture of her alone. aha.

Me and my family members.... wee.!!!

My brother's pertunangan was a success. sry tak jemput. coz i did jemput last minute... but i think its too late. maybe when he marries heh. insya'allah.

24th December 2006.

Im still smiling. for what You said yesterday.Thank You. :)

Im smiling.

2006-12-24T01:25:00.000+08:00

Aha after so long...and finally after darma... im actually smiling!!! wow. and its very very sincere. Alhamdulillah. Im soo happy as well.

Problems are inevitable but avoidable
So for now let me keep u aside.
And let me and my feelings subside
Before ill be able to face and fight with u ,my Frens alongside.

Guess what? SINGAPORE POLY Putra Adiwangsa WON THE PIALA KHATULISTIWA....
And we cope like 3 other awards lol.
And we were the last team to perform.
aha.
Im soo proud of u guys. U guys really really entertained us. Thank You. I din waste a single cent of those $24 lol. Hope u 2 girls enjoyed it.

Yessah! Best karut, best awok awok and best paluan(courtesy of Su)
We kinda submitted senikata late so got pts cut off from it.

2nd were Ite Dover( cld have won if their karut din stumble on his words and 4got lyrics)
and 3rd was Fuhua Sec (they rock man!!! they were really really good.)

2006-12-23T01:25:00.000+08:00

tears.
Where have u been?
Where are u hiding?
Why aint u here ?
Why aint u flowing?

tears.
I want u to flow.
I need u to flow.
Please come back to me
Please show me that im still human

tears.
Im so upset.
Im so depressed
I just wished u were here
Flowing down my very eyes

Why cant i cry anymore?
Where have all my tears gone to?
I just cant seem to cry anymore.
no matter how upset i am.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Mahirah, i just want u to know that i want to stop doing it* asap.
Just dun hate me for doing it* but instead guide and help me to stop it*
Soon, i promise u and everyone else. soon.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Forgive me for all the post that are emo(almost all right ? aha)
Oh well here is where i rant out my feelings.
I wish i can blog abt happy stuff.
I can but it just doesnt help me to stay happy.
So yep one day, just one day i mite.

Chill.

2006-12-20T00:29:00.000+08:00

Too much has happened to me these few days.
Too many that i myself cldnt handle.
Tapi syukur alhamdulillah
Allah s.w.t gave it all to me as a test because he knows i can handle it.

Im lost for now.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I Can only wish You* all the best.
I have told you* everything i cld.
Nothing else can be done except to wait.
And im willing to do so.

Stop thinking abt me in your* picture
You* dun have to worry abt me
I'll always be here if ever you* need me
Dun be shy because to me, i just want you* to be happy

:)

And to Him*
All i can do is to wish u all the best.
Doa for ur recovery and in hopes u get well soon
You are somebody i respect.
And i will not stop respecting you.
Nobody is perfect and i know that.
Whatever happens is just a lil mistake.
Its alrite, ill give in and tell the truth.
Its alrite, if you dun believe in whatever i wanted to say.
But all i want you to know, if ever im in a competition with you
I'll gladly back away... due to having so much respect for you
And for your info, Your just like a brother to me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
After all this is solve....
Or even if all this wun solve....
Let me just wither away for now....
Into A world that i never knew existed.

2006-12-19T02:33:00.000+08:00

Ya'Allah ya tuhanku, aku berdoa kepada mu, tolong lar, berikanlah die perdamaian dan ketenangan... sesungguhnya die seseorang insan mu juga yang lemah seperti aku. Bukakanlah hati dia Ya'Allah supaya dapat die kembali ke jalan yang benar.

Sesungguh tiada apa yang ku harapkan. Sesungguh aku hanya mahu kau berdiri kembali daripada kejatuhan besar mu. itu sahaja, apa apa yang datang adalah dari kuasa Allah s.w.t dan sesungguhnya aku terima sahaja.

Insya'Allah, aku percaya engkau akan dapat berdiri kembali.. tapi berilah masa dan byklah engkau berdoa dan meminta tolong Allah s.w.t. Satu hari nanti akan dapat kau ketenangan di atas diri mu :)

Ya'Allah ya tuhan ku. Ampuni lar dosa dosa ku ini. maafkan lar kesalahan yang telah aku dan umat-umat mu telah lakukan. Maklumlah, kami ini semua insan yang lemah yang perlu pertolongan mu Ya'Allah. Berikan lah kami pertunjukkan. Sesungguhnya aku tidak berniat untuk menyakitkan hati orang atau menyusahkan orang. Tetapi hanya kerana silap aku. Aku membuat susah kepada 6 orang. Maafkanlah aku. Aku tidak berniat begitu. Sesungguhnya ia semua hanya salah sangka. Biarlah hanya aku yang berterus terang.

PS: im surprise with all that happen, i din cry. guys cry u ask? yes i do. i am weak. i do cry at times. but i haven cry for quite sometime. aha. but yes im still soft at heart :)

Im back from darma.

2006-12-18T13:48:00.000+08:00

Helo peeps. Im finally back :).
Wun update anything on darma YET.
Just wanna say that im back.

Alhamdulillah it all ends well.
And it even started well.
Even with flaws along the way.
It still din get to stop us
From having all the fun
Yet it helped us bond even stronger
It helped us found our inner self.

But still throughout the 3 days.
You guys said i was sick, tired with those yellow eyes.
Its weird eh, throut the 2 years in my poly life nobody saw that.
I aint sick nor tired. Its just me.
I aint perfect, coz nobody is.
Yet those yellow eyes are the ones watching out for u guys
Shd ever any of u goes out of line
Those eyes are the ones that will pull u back in.

Taking care of each and everyone of u aint easy.
Time,money,feelings and everything had to be sacrifised.
Even though at times, i became a lil selfish.
But i know my roles and went back to it
Im sry but at times even i needed my own time to reflect
NOT to be emo but just to reflect upon what i did and to my feelings.

Like i once told Mahirah, emo doesnt mean sad.
It doesnt mean that whenever ur emo,
U must show that sad face, depressed and crying.
thats wrong, being emo means sometimes u just needed some time alone.
But deep in the heart u wished, that someone would be there.
And so 5 angels with 2 devils came.

While i was enjoying the breeze and reflecting upon what i did.
They kinda relieved me.
Thankfully but still an hour later,
I was back to the same place alone again for the breeze there was addictive.

Wondering, Pondering, Thinking...
Am i only able to watch u from afar ?
Care for u only behind ur back?
I do not know, but what i knew.
is coming close to telling the truth.
For i finally understand what u truly meant.

Yus.

Hmm

2006-12-13T22:34:00.000+08:00

hey i realise i have been updating my blog with just my feelings. selfish giler si yus ni. Heh. well updating abt sch wise.... I have been doing fine in sch. except that i missed quite a lot lately but takper.

Bah boring. aint gona update abt what happens in sch.

So yep the other day, we went to vivo city to celebrate Farhan's Birthday,,, aha dah besar die. yep that was the first time i ever went to vivo and surprisingly i found them without getting lost or needing to call them aha. And i love the view there. Its just so relaxing. I think i want to go there again. insya 'allah.

Today, we had some debrief for muzikarama 2006 and yes it went on fine, except that i was a lil moody... maybe what ain said was right in a way. ouh well. Duno what happen to my cam as well. Tapi takper lar.

K Next.

Aha.
Life is so full of ups and downs.
This moment u can be happy, next moment , ultra sad... *pms ke per? aha*
This moment ur satisfied with everything, next moment ur doubting everything
This moment ur singing with everyone, next moment ur emoing in a corner.

Whats happening? Why is this happening? Where is this leading?
Nobody but Allah s.w.t has the answer.
Sometimes we just have to appreciate ourselves.
Be happy with what we have.

The Promise i made with YOU shall forever stay with me. and also My Promise For You, I Shall forever hold it.

The world may be cruel
But let me shield you from it.
Everything may not be going our way
But let me prove to you that it doesnt need to go our way to make us happy.

*Pulang....oh pulangkanlah...senyumanmu.*

DARMAWISATA!!!! WEE 1 MORE DAY!!!! yay!
Everybody please take note that we have to pay 9 ringgit each for the driver.
throw me to the river if u guys want to i wun mind BUT PLEASE THROW FAIZUL BEFORE ME lol and also wait till i remove all my watches and hp and wallet aites. thx.

For the rest please take note that YUSRIANO heh. will not be in Singapore for 2 and half days, 15-17. Take care all. i love u guys. And thank you Allah s.w.t for giving me the chance to be me.

Ahh!!!

2006-12-12T01:49:00.000+08:00

I want to tebas my hair.
I am so irritated by it.
Anybody says i shdnt cut my hair yet?
or anybody wants me to cut asap? aha.

2006-12-10T21:08:00.000+08:00

Someone says, my blogpost these days are emo.
A few others agreed upon that aha.
Whats wrong with being emo?
hehe.

Fine.
Mahirah, Suhailah and Nurain says my posts are emo these days.
aha..
But still what is wrong with being emo lol.

Seriously to me im just showing my feelings in words. :)

Untukmu Nani,Wan Dan kawan2ku sekalian.

2006-12-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

Kasih Sayang...

Kasih Sayang itu bukanlah suatu permainan...
Ia bukanlah hanya untuk seseorang...
Ia juga tidak akan kehabisan...
Janganlah kite perlokek untuk memberinya...

Marilah kita memperbahagikan kasih sayang kita...
Sayangilah semua dan janganlah membenci...
Pada suatu hari nanti akan engkau fahami...
Mengapa maksudku sebegini...

Cinta...
Cinta seseorang itu bukan bermakna,
Orang itu berpunyaan kita...
Ia juga memerlukan banyak pengorbanan...
Dan yang paling penting...kepercayaan

Cinta itu bagaikan sesuatu permainan...
Suatu hari nanti akan ia luput dari minda.
Janganlah engkau diperdaya...
Kerana ia hanya sesuatu cabaran...
Bahawasanya kamu harus memberi keyakinan akan dia.

Janganlah engkau mempersalahkan dia,
Janganlah juga engkau mempersalahkan dirimu.
Perkara sebegini memang selalu berlaku...
Kuatkanlah semangatmu dan berubah demi kebaikan

Kadang kala,
Jikalau engkau mahu seseorang itu untuk bercakap benar,
Janganlah engkau tidak menerimanya.
Jikalau engkau mahu seseorang itu untuk bercakap untuk buat engkau gembira,
Janganlah engkau berasa bangga akan jawabnya.

2006-12-09T00:14:00.000+08:00

I Can Feel...
That Something Is Sinking In...
Slowly, Painfully but Surely.
Making a Very Deep Hole

I Can Feel...
The Excruciating Pain As
Its Making Its Way Down...
Pushing And Twisting And Burning

I Can Feel...
That It Knows Im In Pain
It Knows That I Wish For It To Stop
But Its Happily Ignoring My Pleas....

I Need...
You To Stop...
You To Listen...
And You To Feel.

Please...
I Beg Of You
To Give Me The Confidence...
And To Stop Putting Worries

In A Place, I Called My Heart.

Just an attempt at sajak after so many months.

2006-12-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hidup Ku Bagaikan Sampan
Yang Terumbang Ambing Di Atas Laut
Bagaikan Tidak Mempunyai Destinasi
Dan Tidak Tahu Kemana Hendak Ku Pergi

Ku Harapkan Bantuan
Tetapi....
Aku Lebih Rela Beri Bantuan

Biarlah.....Hanya Aku Yang Merana
Kerana Aku Tidak Rela Melihat Mu
Dibawa Air, Ke sana sini....
Tanpa Arah.

Biarlah Aku Hidup Dalam Kesunyian,
Kesepian Dan Kesempitan.....
Biarlah Aku Melihat Mu Dari Jauh....
Dan Biarlah Aku Terapung-Apung....

Mungkin, Hanyalah Mungkin....
Suatu hari nanti
Engkau Akan Menemani Diriku....

Freshly written for someone :) smile always.

2006-12-04T00:29:00.000+08:00

Smile
A smile thats beautiful
A smile thats partially sincere
A smile thats capable of melting hearts
A smile so special yet so true
A smile incapable of being duplicated
A smile that is you. :)

Hope
Is something that keeps us alive
Is something that moves us everyday
also something that makes us look forward to tml
And something that helps us forget yesterday.

Hope
Is just like a dream
We can only hope for it to happen
But still its fate that decides
The answer from within

Hope
We shd nvr stop hoping
no matter how hopeless it gets
because once we stops hoping
our lifes will stop moving

Hope
Let's continue hoping
For its what keeps us moving
Its what makes us work harder
And its what is capable to make us strong

Hope
Dun stop hoping aites.
Dun doubt what hope is capable of doing
If ever its looking bad...
Hope for something good...

For Life is full of hopes .... Good , Bad , Happy or sad ...
Without hope life is meaningless,
You'll stop moving and you'll stop feeling
Dun let the bad ones bother u instead carry on hoping and
Maybe....just maybe tml.... ur hopes will come true

All Smiles aites,
Yus Aka PeaceZ

2006-12-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
To my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love

I became addicted to this song after Faizul posted it up the other day...hmm.

Well this whole week have been harsh on me. I din have any time at all to take practical 8. Hmm and every single day i came back around 10-11+. Even after muzikarama, reaching home at 12+ , i had not much rest but instead slpt at 1 and woke up early next morning to work... haiz. takpe Yus perservere aites :) Someone ask me to rest so yep ill be taking the whole sunday to rest hopefully ill recover and not fall sick... (Sakit pun takpe, ade orang will pakse me makan ubat HAHA).

Hmm take note though, my rest is not slp all day rest, because i still have to settle for Darmawisata... WEE lol. Nvr mind im nvr gona complain. Instead let's just do it. Im doing this for everyone and not just myself. Its for my love for Nurhayat and MLS. Insya Allah it'll be fine and like Ain says, Lets doa for Darmawisata to berjalan lancar.... Amin.

Muzikarama! Wee
I just wana Congratulate each and everyone that is involved and also thank those that came to watch the show, i really hope u enjoyed watching it and also putting ur effort into making it successful.
And also i really want to congratulate the Directors and Committee members and exco members of Muzikarama 2006 and SPMLS....for having successfully completed Muzikarama 2006.
Smile people and dun regret any single moment but instead improve on that moment and be proud of what u did. And dun forget to thank Allah S.W.T for all HIS help given to us :)

ITs amazing but i cld felt the tension behind the stage hehe. i had to go around cooling ppl down and giving them massages... heh, even i felt extremely nervous because its my first time being backstage krew heh. but i knew i shdnt show it to the ppl so i calmed myself down and calm others as well. A lot happen behind stage lol. but well i shall leave that part out.

Wee! though i do not know why i was willing to take up lotsa post, but still im kinda happy with it, though i went a lil overboard haha. i admit, while doing signages....my mind went blank.... and from a person who knows a lot abt computer, i became clueless as how to use the computer aha. lucky for me i came back right on time. wee! Alhamdulillah.

*Sings
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
To my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love

PS: Sry if it rains tml hehe.

2006-12-01T00:38:00.000+08:00

Muzikarama today, aha i can feel the tension and stressness in everyone of the committee's and also the members of spmls. Everyone was pressured and in fear because it is the biggest event of the year for spmls.

Aha I am shocked that i was capable of holding down my anger and pressured feelings inside and focus on others instead. Alhamdullilah, dengan berkatnya Allah s.w.t dapat ku tahan dan bersabar. I almost did ah want to shout or do watsoever to show but i thot twice and did not do it. I really really needed a walk to cool myself down but i din went for it. And yep, im thankful that instead of just thinking of myself i prefer to focus on others and help them out instead.

*Seriously ah i just want to thank Ain ah. She was one of the only few ppl that is relax there and then and when i see you, i was capable of holding back everything from spilling out.
Thanks Ain! :) Talking to you made me feel even better heh.

Yep and Wan, Relax aites bro. Everything happens for a reason. I'm sorry i interfered seriously. I just want you 3 to be happy. When one is upset, it kinda affects all 4 of us.

Well guys and gals, Have faith in what u do tml, believe in yourself and you will do well, Remember HIM and u shall be remembered. :) Smile Always guys. LETS DO THIS!
I Have FAITH IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF U. Thats why i proudly publicize MUZIKARAMA 2006 :)

Tml we shall stand as one family and do our best!
Insya' Allah WITH HIS blessing

Yours Sincerely,
PeaceZ

A Dedicated Post For U, Nani

2006-11-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

Nani, First and foremost i would like to wish u happy 17th birthday yeah! And also happy maturing partner. I have known u for like umm...9 months? yep around there but then again i only really knew u when u became my partner in publication. Having u as a partner has its pro's and con's but still im thankful to have u as my partner because without u, i dun think its possible for many of our work to be done. And also im thankful that u were willing to transfer from being a treasurer to a pub during RYC. I cant thank you enuf for helping me out in everything i do. You were the ones with ideas, and im the one who is capable of working out the idea given and together we make things successful. And now with ain in most of our teams, its even more complete with her being most of the designer, u with ideas and me working it out. Yep I hope in future events, we can still work together as a team and even if anything were to happen and I might not be exco or ur team in mere future, feel free to approach me okae? Im always here to help.

Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday to You,

Happy Birthday to Nani,

Happy Maturing day For You!

Im glad that because of this we both became close together like real partners. Thanks for giving that trust into me and i realise that you, even though are childish and playful, u still are very special in a way or another. And yep i know ur willing to change so yep i can slowly see that u are changing. Take care of wan properly aites? Be happy always.

Happy 1 Year Anniversary To Both Wan And Nani

Whatever happens, do persevere aites. I do not know how it feels like coz it nvr happens to me before. But still u guys are together very long so dun throw it away anyhow aites. Treasure each other and if possible, try not to hurt each other feelings or have distrust in one another. Take care of one another and go thru thick and thin together aites... Taking care guys... Insya allah one day i might eat u guys nye Nasi Minyak :P

Yusri

Proud to be your fren :)

Mission.

2006-11-26T00:34:00.000+08:00

My fren wrote this and it has a lot of meaning in it.

Happy reading :)

His main mission was to help you stand up, He has no other reason when he first intended to do that. Along the way somethings came up and he tried hoping, but he has nvr really hope. He knows that whatever happens, he is always sticking to his mission of helping u stand back up after u truly fall. He wishes to see up again and running stronger and faster than before. That alone is more than enuf to make him pleased and happy. For he doesnt wished to see a fallen soul being left fallen. He hopes after he is done, ull have faith and believe in ur capabilities. Thats all. Nothing more.

Ahmad, whatever happens stay strong aites, halangan appears of course but dun give up in what u feel is right.

And 'Arifah, I believe that ur actually doing well with ur studies but dun be too involve in something that might affect ur relationship with ur family okae. Bersabarlah for ur family loves u.Even if they are wrong, give them time okae ...for they are ur family. Take care.

Nadiah, if ur EVER gona read this, im proud of u :) ur hard work paid of. But i hope this doesnt distant u, me and ahmad. Taking care.

As for myself, im lost in a world of mine, Not knowing what is wrong and what is right, but im heading straight and i hope if im astray, u guys will bring me to the right path for i believe i might be lost without ur guidance. But for now let me, for im too busy, and im really trying very hard and im sorry if my hard isnt enuf for everyone.

2006-11-25T00:21:00.000+08:00

Life aint no picnic basket - Nazif

Yep its so true.
And i feel im bloody insensitive.
Hmm how cld i have hurt of someone who have had done so much?

I dunno whats happening with me,
with my dun-want-to-lose attitude.
I DO want to lose, And I DO want to accept opinions but
sometimes my brain got a better hold of me.

I wish to change alrite, i really do.
hmm, i will try....i will
that i promise u all.

Still waiting for the promise.... of one fine day, that ull show me what i wish to see from u.
Something that its hard for u... i know but i know one day, ull fulfil it.

For now, im confuse... , i really am. Stressed? yea but not that much. Excited abt darmawisata? Very, but still pending. For now, let me just play soccer.

Muzikarama 2006 Poster

2006-11-24T00:13:00.000+08:00

Muzikarama 2006

2006-11-21T00:48:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen....Presenting to You all

Muzikarama 2006
-Pulangkanlah-

1st December 2006
Friday
Sp Auditorium
$5 Per Ticket
To be Seated By 7.30pm

Guest of Honor
Marina Yusoff

Get Your Tix Now!!!
Contact Me To book Ticket.
98227574

Its a Stage Performance U Must NOT MISS
Guranteed to be worth it.
Organised By SPMLS-SSP

Peace :)

2006-11-20T01:13:00.000+08:00

Hello everybody! heh just came back from jalan rayer with the exco's and sub-comms peeps. and its been great!

Heh im so happy to the fact that 13 exco were there, head of nurdeen ,head of ssp and head of nurhayat were all there. its complete with inclusive of wan ,amalina and adawiyah, suzana ,hadis and aishah. Its been great and ive truly enjoyed it. And the best part was the last part whereby most of us cried or almost cried due to the fact that we realise our time to exco 34 is nearing to the end and i really went to everyone there and kinda gave each and everyone of them a self written compo, confession and apology speech on the spot. i feel so relieve in asking everyone for forgiveness and tell them what is in my head truly.

Its been fun watching video and singing karaoke. Though i just fear one thing, please do not spoil ppl's mood thru what u see. I believe i will be on the losing end if it breaks out so yep. hope u guys understand. :) I just love our bond in mls and i just wish we cld bond further in darma.

*Though i wish that a few others will join us in darma, seriously i wun force any of them, its up to u guys. I hope that shd u ever wish to change ur mind last min please tell me aites. I really want u to go and join us in our journey and have fun. But then again there is always next yr bt i dun know if ill be around. Do consider aites. :)

2006-11-18T01:23:00.000+08:00

Story of a girl
Who's courage was broken
Who's braveness was gone
who's tears cannot be seen
But its constantly flowing
She's smiling as always
But nvr a true smile
For deep inside
She's lost in this big world...

But recently....

I saw a sincere smile coming from her.

PeaceZ

Hmm fundraising is overm no doubt it was very successfull. Thx to everyone from the bottom of my heart, especially Syiqin and Razali. Also to the rest that were always there to help out. Thx yeah. Hmm it used to be a gathering place for all mls peeps but what abt after this? will i see some of u guys again? i really wish i would. Insya allah.

Lyircs

2006-11-18T01:14:00.000+08:00

Pencinta Wanita (Youtube video on left)

Kutemukan dalam pencarian

Cinta sejati untuk hidupku
Kurang lebih yang seperti dia
Kuharap dalam cintaku

Ku tak mau menjanjikannya
Pasti bahagia bila denganku
Biar dia rasakan sendiri
Betapa gilanya cintaku

Reff:
Aku memang pencinta wanita
Namun ku bukan buaya
Yang setia pada seribu gadis
Ku hanya mencintai dia

Aku memang pencinta wanita
Yang lembut seperti dia
Ini saat ku akhiri semua
Pencarian dalam hidup
Dan cintaku ternyata
Yang kumau hanyalah dia

Belaian Jiwa (Blog Song)
Seindah tiada lagi kau ku ingatkan
Sayang kau hilang
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini

Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa

Oh angin, sampaikan lagu ku padanya
yang sedih pilu
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidup mu
Untuk selamanya

Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir
Menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa

Peace dudes.

2006-11-16T02:25:00.000+08:00

All smiles. :)
Mst week and Fundraising Week.
Do come down to buy our brownies and cookies :)
Hope u guys enjoy the food yeah :)
All smiles. :)

Insya allah. Im here to help.

wee

2006-11-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

My addiction for tea susu nvr dies heh.
3 cups in umm 5 hrs ? lol .

Hello

2006-11-11T23:57:00.000+08:00

Back again. Exam is in 2 days, but i havent had the time to study much...why ? because there is too much in my mind nowadays..... What can i do ? Nothing hehe. So yep.

Well all i can abt myself nowadays is im giving up something even before i started... What is it ? aha u dun need to know, Why i am doing so ? its for other's own good. :) Sometimes ppl ask why are u doing this ? Its because if i dun sacrifice, who will ? haha. anyway its okae lar.... im used to doing this anyway.

I mean thats life right? Sacrifices has to be made here and there.... Whats with ups and downs, with us falling down and getting back up hopefully stronger than before and even those who notices things happening and decides to back off/withdraw.

i wonder if u guys ever read the poem i made before for one of my best frens....whom now i am rarely in contact with aha.(realise her couz is very similar to her in some ways)

Love is More Than Just Holding Hands
Its More Than Saying I Love U
Its Not Just Merely Holding Hands
Or Giving Lustful Kisses

Its About The Feeling
And Affection For Someone
Deep Down In The Heart
With A Burning Desire

To Do Anything And Everything
For The Ones U Love And
To Share Every Wonderful Moments
And Sorrowness Wif One Another

To Be Just There When One's In Need
To Share Everything And Every Memories
Like To Call Deep In e Nite Just
To Listen To Voices OF The ONE U Love

Now Tats Wat Love Is Really Abt.

This was made for a fren of mine

Life is not a Bed Of Roses
Filled with wonderful Red Roses
But Life Can Be Just As Wonderful
If We Can Live Up With Expectations
There Will be Ups And Downs
But There's Nothing Impossible
Barriers Can Be Broken
Problems Can Be Solved
As Long As U Dun Bottle Up
Coz There Will Be Pressure
Tat Will Burst From Within
So Here I Am For U To Share
Ur Troubles And Sorrows
For Then U Will Feel Better
And Shall We Both Then Rise
And be Optimistic Bout Life
Thus Then Can We Live Life
Just As Wonderful As A Bed Of Roses.

Well to ahmad and Nadiah... hear this i must say...no matter whatever happens u guys will nvr sway from my heart nor soul. U guys have made an impact in my life and will always be there forever. No matter whatever happens, no matter even if u have forgotten me now or no longer regard me as ur fren or bestie... its okae... for u shall forever be mine.

For my secondary sch frens, u guys are what made my secondary life great. even though we din get to jln raye this year, its okae, i shall not forget what u guys have had done either, but i understand that u guys are busy with ur lifes and its okae. Whatever happens and if u need me just drop me a call and ill be there as u guys are and will always be in me.

For my frens in mls, you guys are like my family now, what motivates me to go further in poly, in sch. U guys are the ones who will notice the differences in me. Yes i may be a leader to some of u but im also a fren to all. I WILL ALWAYS be there if u need me. look for me as its not easy for me to go look for everybody. talk to me for i wun ask u to tell me whats wrong. and last but not least please do not forget me, for even i know im not worth remembering but at least i hope to at least make an impact in ur lives. And yes for those who still seems distant to mls but wishes to join us, please welcome them and for them to please not be shy... even if they aint there, i am so yep :) all smiles (Nazif Style)

crap after introing this song to ain...im addicted to it....again lol.

Wounded- Good Charlotte
Lost and broken
Hopeless and lonely
Smiling on the outside
Hurt beneath my skin
My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I'll try to make it seem okay
But my faith is wearing thin

So help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me SEW them up

I only wanted a magazine
I only wanted a movie screen
I only wanted the life I'd read about and dreamed
And now my mind is an open book
And now my heart is an open wound
And now my life is an open Soap for all to see

But help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me

So you come along
I push you away
Then kick and scream for you to stay
Cuz I need someone to help me
Oh I need someone to help me

To help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them
I need someone to help me fill them
I need someone to help me close them up

a nameless journey

2006-11-11T01:03:00.000+08:00

Hmm so let me continue.. since no one wanted to guess....

So i look down and realise .... OH DARN IT! i was wearing sandals -.-" Thats the most silliest thing i have ever done in my whole life. Its a strict rule in SSDC that states, MUST wear shoes while riding..... and so yep i just took off all my guards and pick up my bag and left the place as if nothing happens.. and yes i just wasted a freaking $30 dollars and i soo regret it. imagine instead of wasting it i gave it to someone who wants to go darma ? haiz yus.

Guys i just would like to ask u all, its nice to know abt stories thats happening around and to spread it out. But then again what if i were to ask u all that if the person that the rumor was abt is you? What would u feel? i just hope u guys realise ur mistake because i believe this mistake is holding some1 back so dearly.

*Rumors, is like a wind so strong that its capable of pushing u back till u fall before letting u walk thru it.
*Pathetic is yet another word with a huge capability of downriding a person's courage.

But then again both of it are just words.. treat it nothing more than a word and believe me ull be fine..... a note to everyone. Dun be pushed back by words.

*Wishing upon a star that u might come along and join me in my journey...

HEylo ladies and gents

2006-11-07T13:10:00.000+08:00

Ahh as u would have seen the last post was dated quite long ago heh. Im already back in the game peeps. Stronger than before. What u have had seen was just withdrawal symptoms that is normal to everyone at times. This is just to make u guys clear of what happens. During times when you are really on abt something, you put ur heart, and mind into it so that the chances of it happening is very high. But when mishaps , or unpredicted things occured, it will tend to set u back of course and yes, somehow a few things happened that really set me back and fall. Thus i became lost and distracted with that leading to make my day worst with other events coming along.

And yes it is very natural for me to be upset and went crazy abt all those that happens because i was already on the ground (fallen). So yep it usually takes me 1 or 2 days with 3 being the maxed number of days before i will stand up and start moving again stronger than before so yep, here i am being stronger than before.

Aha syiqs(year 1) told me to treat abt whatever happened last fri as a joke and i did now i feel lots better aha...
What happen was, Ive already booked a riding practical lesson on that very day @ 2.40 beforehand. Then 2 days before the day, i found out that there is a maths remidial in which i really wanted to go. Then came the helping-out email on the ETF, so when i wanted to cancel out my lesson, it was already too late. So yep i had to forgo ETF and remidial sadly.

Then came the very day, After suboh,Woke up late and missed first lesson. Fall asleep again...and woke up just 30 min before second lesson start (means im late :P coz i need 45 min to get to sch) So i just decided to go even though i knew i was gona be late because thats the last lesson and i needed to pass the money to amalina. THEN.bah i had stomach ache lol... ended i din go for 2nd lesson and went to the doctor for M.C instead (selamat aku nyer attendance).

Then went to sch to pass ama the money before leaving back to yishun to solat....Sampai yishun...HUJAN LEBAT SEY(Heavy Rain)! lol. Ciss! I had to forgo solat jumaat coz with the rain i cldnt get to the mosque on time to solat. So went to solat zohor instead and went to khatib to eat before my riding practical.

Then yep its time for my practical! went to SSDC(Singapore Safety Driving Centre) quite early and started wearing my elbow guard and knee guard and watching the instructor's cool riding boots and cool riding shoes... and i was like wow nice....so i look down and...............

(story is to be continued.......)
Ps.... guess la korang.

Yusri

2006-11-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

Just when i thot my day would turn better.....
It turned worst.
Ouch.
2 days straight.

Can Some1 please slap me? I want to snap back to reality. I have no time to be lost in this confusion. Please wake me up. I beg u.

I would update as to what happened today when i feel a lil better.
Right now, Bleach episode 101 is calling me :D. hehe

And Su, if ur reading this, i think u deserve a huge break. Uve been working ur ass of and its finally taking its toll on u. Its okae, I think for now let me take over the routes and planning of the ppl, and houses we are going. Aites. Go and have a break. And u guys i think shd have seen that she is in pain so help her out a bit shall we ? What are we as a family for if we dun help each other :). I promise one day, ill treat u a drink aites, for working even though ur sick and in pain.

And the rest of the people that i have accidentally hurt without realising it, im truly sorry. Im just not myself lately and i promise ill pull myself back together again soon, very soon. So if ever i still did kinda hurt u somehow please forgive me aites. I din meant it :P