hmm(2)

its been a long while isnt it.

I did some quiz before and found out some things that it said were true... About love that is. Ill only stay truthful and in love only when the other half still loves me and have feelings for me. Should some day she loses those, i am crushed of coz because i wud never stop loving someone that i truly love should she still loves me but should the day comes that she lost that feeling... Its gone. ill fall of coz greatly for quite ahwhile but the will come when i realise that to truly love, u have to let go...
If she is meant for you she'll come back if not let it free.

And slowly ill stop loving her myself and totally lose everything and start anew. i realise that its no use to keep that feelings since its now very one sided and hurting me alot. So why bother rite? let it go of coz haha. ill miss her, i really will lyk now haha but its okae the feelings gone though. I just hope she realises that i dun feel she made the right decision but then again who am i to say those rite?

I dunno i feel that i was perfect for her coz i dun believe she can find guys lyk me easily whom truly loves... yes i know im not perfect but there are things that i can really change if u put ur mind and will to make me change u know. if u think by just running away and hope to find a much better or equal guy... i wish u luck though it would hurt to see u get hurt in the future for not everyone will be as nice as me for not hurting ur feelings or letting u go.

well im sorry for ranting out, just thought its been ahwhile since i last shared my heart content. And as for now i am satisfyingly moving on heh and no im not happy but at least i am okae. I realise my life is empty now. I dun blame you for this but i realise i spend too much time with you that i lost track of all my old frens and i have to slowly get them back now and spend countless of times being alone. Since you hated gathering with ppl and meeting them just to lepak, now i have trouble getting back on their circle of frens. Sheesh im lonely haha. And no i dun blame you.

Hmm something random. I saw a fren asked whats "true love" and from what i read, it just stated things that ppl wants to hear while being in love haha. Its not the truth people its just something that will make you ppl feel good while reading it... Haha i came out with the real definition of those and i din replied to that fren coz i din want to burst their bubble heh.

Here goes... *oh crap its at work place haha i guess ill reupdate this part when im at work*

Anyway lets continue.. hmm lyfe's been fine actually. I am moving on along just fine and looking on the bright side of lyfe here. Only around 8 months to ORD oh ! haha still a very long time but its okae i guess. After that its work + study for me and i know ppl will be thinking thats hard! yes i know it is but i just cant lay down and take 2 -3 yrs to study while earning nothing or very little all this while... Right now i have no cpf and a savings of less than 2000. which sux.

Look on the bright side while studying and working, ill have the income to live a better lyfe. :)
And i have this new dream today. instead of saving up to buy a car... instead i shall first save up to bring my parents and my lil brother overseas for a holiday on MY TREAT! haha. any where will do ... maybe a drive to genting? or maybe fly to bangkok? haha it depends. (Though i still very much hope my dad buys a car haha)

As for having another half... i guess itll take ahwhile... took me years to get ain and sufina and it sure will take a long time to get another.Im glad both of em is doing fine in their lives though, one an ICA and the other some sort of kindergarten or nursery teacher? haha. Alhamdulillah... May Allah s.w.t bless them with good life ahead.

As for a certain someone, i dunno she has this very identical personality as i did and im starting to move forward but yet before i even made any move if feels lyk she just brought me down or as they say Shunted me away before i came. haha. Well i was down this few days thinking abt if i should back away and not disturb her or did lyk what i did with ain and move on and stay strong. Well it all started with frens before one starts to fall in love rite?

I din made a move earlier because i felt guilty of moving on too fast... The thot of betraying my previous and also the thot that she mite be a rebound but when i realise you moved on faster than i did, i realise its all just me and my feelings. My conscience as they say it.. Now i guess i can move on with a clear conscience. 3 months, no move and shunted. oh cool! haha

I guess the reason why is because i can relate well with you. You had a bad past and yet ur stronger than before and you stayed strong without stereotyping guys. Thats some attitude that moved me and i had always fallen for people with whom i can relate too and also help to stand up and you seem to fall within that category and ur personality is just awesome as well.

I know u aint ready and so am i so i guess ill continue going slowly coz i hope shd there be a next one i wish for it to last till eternity though who am i to say rite? Thats just me... i hope every one whom i fall for will be the last and i wun stop loving her till she stops loving me. Thats just how i am. If i had fallen for you truly... there is nothing to stop that feelings.....

Im lonely. period. and with my looks and height... i need to put in a LOT of extra effort to get someone.

Haish~

Biarlah Rahsia,
Hatiku senyap dipinta
Hidupku sunyi dimata
Jiwaku seorang saja

While i was lost in the nothingness
I waited and waited for you
But you never came
Yet u never even called.

Drown in the sea of hope
There was never you at all
Its just fallen hope all around
Drowning me deeper within.

Its all about dreams
Never about reality
As we know dreams dun come true
And reality just brings us down

Dreams kept reality alive
even though we know its far fetched
At least it brought hope in us
And helps us move along