Shattered Dreams, Disfigured Heart and Misguided Soul.

I was reading thru facebook as usual when i read raudha 's post. I was stunned by it really. it holds so much meaning so much feeling and she aint the usual type to pour out her feelings to the public not even to ppl she knows either.

But oh how true it was when she mention the phrase how we dun see the ppl in front of us and only start to miss them when they are gone. heh I have always taken things for granted. always. about everything. and now everything came back to haunt me. Im amaze how taken back how i was.

I used to fall really really deep before down a hole that i nvr thot i cld ever climbed out from. But i was wrong... with the help of a fren who cares who constantly give me a push when i badly needed it , i got out of that hole.... And i once thot that was it. I will nvr fall deeper for i thot that was the deepest anyone cld ever drop into and survive.

I know it seems im ranting nonsense but i am not. Amazingly i am still surviving despite just realizing that i cld never have had a worst month/weeks/days/years(u name it) other than in November 2009. Worst in my lyfe. I just lost someone i truly love. Left me for she lost her feelings. Just when i had the intention of spending my whole lyfe with her and now i cld nvr look at other girls the same way. Then 2 days before the anniversary of my accident on 21st Nov 2008, i got sabotage by people.

Who cld have hated me so much tat they would slash the tires of my bike? Even if it was a prank at the very least they cld just let out the air. But no they just have to let me spend $140 to tow and buy new tires. and also cost me lots of effort along with Ahmad and Kenneth to push at least 2km or more to the nearest petrol station to try pumping the tires out before we found out it was slash. The bike weights a 99kg+ for good ness sake.

Then TP today on 26 November and with all this feelings haywire and upset, i knew i wasnt both emotionally and physically ready for it n there goes my $200.

This week i specially took leave a month ago just to spend time with you only to realise this week that there is no more you and me just my friend and i.

Ahh how worst could it be?.But i admit the worst of it all is losing you.
I dun blame you nor do i hate you for i realise that its my fault.
Had i made the effort of taking better care of you,
None of these would have happen.
I swear that im going to improve myself.
Reorganize myself and prove to you that I am the one
Just like you are the one for me.
I dun have the courage to tell my family about losing you.
Im staying strong for you for im sure someday ull be back even if its not now.
NO ONE can ever be compared to you.
I have learnt too much from you.
I learnt things i swear i cld nvr have learnt on my own.
I learnt to realise who i am and what im fighting for
And who im living for.
It was HIM who brought us once together
And someday should fate permits, Its gona be HIM who's gona bring us back together.

PS: i have always wondered what would happen if i suddenly disappear?

I'll gladly trade everything to have u back

Remember this ?

Ah i still remember the day
U started to plant the seed in me
After ages of me trying to plant mine to urs
slowly and steadily i waited...

everyday i tried to water the seed in you
trying to make it grow
and it did...
very...very slowly
and it started to bloom....

And it was then that u...
finally wanted to plant the seed in me...
And surprisingly...
It grew very fast...
So fast that its both the same height now...

This seed has grown into a fine plant
Bearing proper fruits of knowledge around us...
And i shall forever water this plant...
And cared for promising never...to let it die
Or ever wither...
because this is the plant we called "trust"

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You are like a glass
So Fragile
So Vulnerable
Yet so strong.

You were,
Cracked hard with first hit,
And while i was painting the crack over,
You were HIT again.
Broken you were yet still in shape,
However,
I believe that one more hit,
Will cause u to shatter.

This time after the 2nd hit,
I glued you and painted you over.
To hide ur cracks,
And yes you stood strong....

But,
A Reminder came,
And so you were shattered...
I was in TEARS,
helplessly watching you....

But,
I Will Fix you someday.
And This is MY promise to you.


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Memories... you are and will always be my one and only....

Speechless.

Its been ahwhile, not really, its been a very long time since i came here. i once thot that i have finally found the reason to never come back here to open up my heart. But was i so wrong.

I finally lost my one true love and also the only one i would open up my heart to. The one i would really die for and now its totally gone. The pain is really overwhelming. I am deem totally helpless. Why is this happening to me? What have i done to deserve this pain?

Losing you is like losing every part of me. I dun wish to live on anymore... I have lost my only motivation my only reason of moving on.

After god knows how many years, finally tears flow down my eyes like there is no tml. A call from ahmad was all it took for myself to breakdown. Though sadly i cldnt talk thru the phone.

Ya Allah mengapa harus hamba mu yang lemah ini rase kepahitan dah kepedihan ini semua. Setelah 2 1/2 tahun, haruskan ia hilang begitu saje? Where is all the memories, the tears and joy and all of those things we did together? Does this means nothing to you?

My dream of marrying you and living together for the rest of my lyfe is all shattered.. i doubt after this ill be able to have faith in love anymore... Maybe i shd just build a wall around me and hide and cower in there and die alone for thats all i am... ALONE. I kinda left my frens for you coz you were the impt one but i guess i was wrong.

Im just speechless.