Happy

Aha today im soo happy and motivated. thanks to you two. for keeping me company and you for keeping me motivated aha. wee! im smilling. and yes thx for your smile. aha. and im happy too after all this while u r finally standing up and my work all this while is not in vain. alhamdulillah. stay strong aites everyone ....GOGOGO! wee. :) Last lap in this race of 06/07... LETS SPRINT!
Kau Ilhamku.

Hello.

I dunno what have i done... I have been working on the project for 3 whole days yet... when it came about that day. i have nothing to present... I watched as my friends present and all tat..I got up and walk out of the class. i know i cant get any single marks. Its so damn disappointing lar. but what can i do right ? So all i did was straight go to mls. Hmm but one thing is for sure... i would have to repeat that very module. chances of passing is very low.

Hah yep, if i wanted to say i din have time for myself, no i have plenty of time for myself and others for i dun waste my time crying or sulking...worst to worst ill just spend 10-20 min staring at nothing to relieve my mind...

I dun know what has been going on in my lyfe really. haiz. sometimes i just wish ppl would want to know both sides of story instead of doing anything ... hmm i dun do anything for no reason... and yes i know im a complicated person.. yes even i sometimes dun understand myself.

Hmm what else more can i say. takper biarlah ini sumer aku amibil sebagai hikmah... mungkin suatu hari nanti akan ku fahami.

Thx u for lending an ear aites. insya'allah ill be as per normal soon enuf.

No Use For A Name

"Life Size Mirror"

Lyrics

She was done before the start, always mending broken hearts
Making others miserable not knowing who she's hurting
Father said, "This day will be, one for everyone to see"
Is it true you'll follow suit and have you learned a thing?
It's just a selfish way to go, it's safe to say she'll never know

For every person there's a whole life story waiting to be told
When she is happy it's OK, but then these people start to fade
Then we'll just watch her self-destruct as she gets old

She put up defensive shields, to walk through all of life's minefields
All defined by make-up and a car behind she's hiding
"Father do you have to go, left me questions I dont know"
Any answers or even close the life time lie was true

She's gonna move on with her life, and take it one heart at a time
And watch the little girl inside her wait behind as she goes on
But with this black heart she decides, who she'll take in and shove aside
Until the day she sees that everyone is gone

Getting used to people leaving, thinking true love is deceiving
Soon she'll know how lonely it can be

Now was it really worth the pain? A couple pills make her feel sane
While she lives out the story written for the part she is to play
With so much shame for her to hide, there's no more dignity, no pride
Then there will only be dark in her light of day

And she will only see a reflection, of her father's rejection
Nothing will change until she breaks this life, this life-size mirror

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My favorite song for 2 years. Somehow i felt like posting its lyrics today aha.

Hmm im back.
In sch right now overnighting at moberly @ SP. And its 2.30am and im doing project while the rest is studying. Hmm.

Dun know why today i was pasrah-ing all the way right after i return to SP @ about... 5.30pm. Hmm i was thinking about something i guess. Well what can i say right... Then while walking with them guys for nite walk... i dun know what came into me lar. seriously i was walking behind alone and i din even feel a bit scared of anything. Hmm i was lucky nothing happen though. Until at the toilet that someone asked me to try to not show my pasrah-ing. so yep i put up a mask right after and tire myself with my giler-ness. but it so fake though. oh well. Had a good sprint with arep and wan down the road at business block. Sprint with bare leg and of course i kinda slowed down coz its damn painful and so arep took the lead. aha. give me shoes and ...ok nvr mind its not nice to say that.

Ya allah ya tuhanku. i really feel like giving up already.i made a really wrong move lately. And i am soo doomed right now. Project submission is in 2 hrs and i have done almost nothing. I really really feel like giving up right now. hmm i just dun wanna repeat for 6 months. argh. i just feel like crying man. i have no book to do the project but just now if i had went home i most prob would have slpt... argh. haiz. i give up....

Yus... im so bloody disappointed in you.

HAHA

had u not stop me, i would have kept to my promise
but its alrite. ill do what i can to make u better.

Buat mu. :)

Wahai Kawan-kawanku...

Ingatlah pada masa depan mu....
Belajarlah engkau demi kerjayamu...
Janganlah kerna masalah...
Kite meninggalkan pelajaran kita.

Marilahlah kita semua...
Sedar akan reality....
Masalah memanglah mengacaui semua
akan tetapi..
Janganlah kite teramat melayaninya...

Mengapakah harus kita belajar?
Mengapakah tidak kita terus melayani masalah?
Kerna pelajaran lar yg menentukan masa depan mu
Dan bukan masalah yang hanya membelenggu dirimu...

Marilah bangit wahai kawanku...
Sedarlah engkau sebelum engkau disedari...
Dan pada ketika itu...ia sudah terlambat...
Untuk engkau menyedari akan silapmu....

Teruslah mencuba walaupun ia susah...
Teruslah memaksa walaupun diri tidak mahu...
Kerana akan suatu hari nanti engkau sedar...
Ia adalah terbaik buatmu, wahai kawanku :)

Multi Post

I shall not be selfish.
I shall remain neutral.
And that i promise you.
------------------------------------------
I may have ran out of words to say...
Actions to do....
But never will i ever leave you peeps alone.
------------------------------------------
I may not know everything...
Nor that i might even know anything...
But trust me i can read thru you.
------------------------------------------
You may try to avoid adding problems to me.
You can even try to not include me...
But believe me...
ill know it sooner or later.
So all im asking for is be urself :)
------------------------------------------
Here is a story that i recently found.
There was this grp of ppl.... whom was separated due to LACK of love.... badly separated and they cldnt even work together so there many ppl being displease with each other.... so later on.. a well respected man brought about love to this grp... and yes this helps the grp alot until everybody started working together and loving one another.... it was all balanced until somehow... love poured and poured non stop till it overflows... and there was too much love in the grp that unhappiness crept in yet again.... whats happening to the grp... a guy wondered... but all he cld was to continue wondering... then there was this one person whom ppl wished to see happy... but when it was close to seeing that person happy...everybody started backing off due to fear that this person might fall again harder.... whats with this back off? the guy wondered... dun u know that the person will even fall harder? so all he did was to stay and to wish the person happy even though he knows that more than he shd.... all he wants to do know is to try make the person live life not alone and wishes the person knows that he is around at all time even if the person did or did not make the correct choice for he knows everybody makes mistakes and no one is perfect. he is always around fading in and out of picture.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
found this somewhere while searching for articles heh.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
I just wished i had tears.
i really do...
I was sincerely berdoa-ing and i really felt like crying.
but all i cld afford was... wetting my eyes and it stopped there.
Twice.
Haiz... happy new muslim year to u all.
Is my heart stone cold?
Allahualam bisawab.

The Heart Bearing all the pain in the world.

The Heart Bearing all the pain in the world.

And he is bearing it alone.

And yet she can still feel as if she is the only one feeling her own pain.

But its alrite.

He is handling it well.

But he believes that this will one day teach him....

That there is really no world without tears.

and one day... just one day... he really will have tears...

Till then. he'll just cry in his heart. heh.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Tears.. i reall wonder what it meant. what i really feels. i miss it. everytime i feel teary... i can feel tears in my eyes....but itll dry up as soon as it wets the eye. hmm i guess im feeling it like the person above maybe? aha.

Anyway. bought myself a new boot on friday...Nike Steam FG. hmm first boot i ever bought. aha. And im loving it aha. Cost a bundle but nah i din regret. So our team drew on that day.
4-4 hmm but funny...coz i was still energetic after the match. i think the next game onwards. i wanna be like gary neville. i want to push forward and not waste my energy. insya allah.

And so on the very friday before i went off to queensway to buy my boot. We went to watch Taufik Batisah on his campus tour in sp. cool he was... and i had fun watching it even though at first i was doubting if i shd go or not. but since i had nothing to do so i just went and yes. i was very very entertain by my two favourite 98.7 radio DJ's Vernon and Justin... wee! and the two pro guitarist and Taufik's First I Dream song, Usah lepaskan and also all because of you aha.

well. dunia.....aha funny how it entertains us so much. when what we shd remember akhirat and Him.

Well thats lyfe i guess.

Ku lihat dunia hanya sebagai sementara...
Akan tetapi sementara seperti terlalu lama...
Sehinggakan kami manusia....
Termasuk akan alam mimpi dan...
lalai akan keseronokan dunia...

Sakit hati ni wahai manusia...
Melihat,terlihat dan terpaksa lihat...
Kesakitan,Kepedihan, ketangisan
Anda semua....

Akan tetapi...
Hanya sedikit sahaja yg dapat ku bantu...
Yang lain kadang kala fikiran ku buntu...
Tetapi tidak pernah aku mengaku...

Biarlah...
aku sahaja yang menguatkan diri...
Aku sahaja yang melarikan diri
daripada masalah yang mengejari diri
kerna aku belum ade masa untuk melayani diri.

Wee!
im jst glad that while all this while ppl are having problems... i dun have my own.
Well i do just that it doesnt affect me...
lets see...

My heart?
Its full of love and care for everyone.

My feelings?
Its neutral for everyone... i love everyone just the same...(is this a lie? i doubt so.)

My hope?
For everything to return to normal... and everyone including you to be happy.

My family?
There aint no problem...

My dad and mum?
Just sometimes pissed that i keep going home late aha.

My sister?
Hmm this is hard. but i wish her all the best. i love her.

My brother?
Big: hmpf! no matter how cruel ... still love him anyway.
Small: Hope he does his best in sch. heh bully him now sebelum die dah besar, aku yang kene bully.

my 2 best friends:
i dun know what to say. i just hope i din lose you.
the other one is damn close tht i know he always here.

my sec sch friends:
sry if we din get to spend so much time together. everyone is just busy while some are free and working. so yep i wun forget each and everyone of u ever. love u guys

my mls peeps.
u guys are a family to me. i ll nvr give up any single one of u. no hate, no grudges. i just want everbody to be happy even you and you and you and you and you. aha. berapa byk you lar.

as for me.
Im like a chameleon. blending in and out of picture and being everywhere aha. dun worry abt me, ill be fine. wee. i just wish u guys come to me okae. for thats what makes me happy. knowing that i can make u guys happy and feel better. alhamdulillah

An angel from afar.

An angel from afar.

I Salute You.

:) im satisfied and appreciative of everything. even my flaws.

You got us worried there for a second...
but we still love u no matter what...
even though it pains our heart...
we will always be there for u...

I love every single one of u ppl... that i call my fren
Im sry for whatever bad deeds that i had done.
plz sound me...shd ever i went out of line.
And i appreciate you guys so much...

And i just want to thank YOU....
for giving me the care and concern...
u made me smile yet again.
and you made me feel better as well.
Thank YOU. aha.

And guys and girls...Stay STRONG! aites. if u need to fall or lean back...
IM ALWAYS here for u... but if im not search for me kay?
sometimes i may tend to back away a lil coz i kinda feel lonely at times ah.
sometimes jer tak byk aha. but im always here :)
Always.... ill nvr abandon mls and its people...
NOT EVEN YOU my brother. :)
My love for all is forever equal.... and im always neutral...i dun wish to side no party.
And Thank you Allah s.w.t :) for letting me be me.

hallo

Peeps i just posted a new post before the love is like 3 ppl on the road* post. And welcome back to the person :) and happy schling again guys! :)

Hello again!

:) first off a smile aha.

Hmm i just want to relate a story in which a fren of mine, A B C told abt love.
Love is like 3 person walking on the same road.


What am i talking abt? here let me explain.
As we are all moving on the same road....
We fall in love with someone... or admire...
so we as B go for the very person....not knowing how good they are or how bad they are either... so as we keep moving forward going for the very person A, we din notice anything... our flaws, our deeds and all. So while moving along the road..we do not know if there is anybody else that cares for us, that are there for us all this while. So if ever B made a mistake and fall..., it wun be A that will notice it first but its C who will and they will be the very first person there to help us up before A, will turn around and notice it too to start helping....

Meaning... Sometimes in lyfe we are going for whoever we and our feelings want...without noticing that there are others that cares for us quietly...caring and taking care and watching u all this while... and since we are so blinded by our feelings, we always feel that we dun get what we want and nobody cares for us but thats wrong. there are others that care... just that we din notice it while we are so into following our feelings. but sometimes its this C who is the actual right person for us since its C that actually cares not A. so lets not sometimes be lost in our world of feelings aite. check out everything and everyone... is the person we chasing the right one? or is there others that actually cares and are always there for us... so who is the right one? u ask urself aites :)

Im sry...

aww crap... updated then lappy shutted down. :(

anyway just want to say sry to all those yesterday that are affected by me. Truthfully i was lost in between two of my own world. The world with feelings and the world without... Thats who i am... a person full of feelings but nvr showed up front because its all kept in my hidden world. heh. this was made because i was too involved with my feelings during my depression days...i was soo lost in it that time that i cldnt control it and i was having far too many migraines... and it hurts way too much... so i decided to make this thingy exist within myself.... so how i control it?
heh... the reason why i can get and listen to you guys is because im able to control my emotions.

What u ppl really need is not me to solve ur problem but me to lend an ear so u can rant ur feelings out and feel better so that at the end of the day. YOU can solve ur own problem.

alrite. so yep sry to all those that are affected between 1 am to 4 am yesterday. din meant it. i was seriously stuck. i wun want to run away. i just wanna fade away for a lil while to get back to the right world :). I was too tired then...
And so here i am back to where i was. wee!

Reason why i was too tired was because... i was waiting for someone's msg on that very morning *2+* but she din reply.... so waited till 4.40 before i slpt..and woke up at 6.30*thx wan for giving that wakey call lol* so siap and went to tampines for the match. * was late by 15min* aha so we played at 9.30 and won !!! 4-3 ...thx to kambeng and thai player. aha. And the defence was superb on 2nd half aha. betul tak?

Defence was Yus,Wak,Nizam,Arep aha... power beb. kanan tak lepas heh. but me and wak ade good communication ah best. cover up for each other. arep pun power running. and nizam clearance baik.

Then after that tea party!!! retro beb! aha so yep went to arep house after match to siap and mandi... took cab there....





lol look at that elvis tak menjadi style of jambul and someone can still used to say my hair not long :P

then we took cab to orchid country club plak
reach there to realise we were the first among all mls peeps hah.
so yep lepaked around the lobby.

Then they arrived and wow liyana was cute... hazimah was...nice... ama was hot *pakai merah aper.* aha ... su was very retroish*black and white polka dot and nani looks pretty in those pinky dotted dress.

the guys was all nicely dressed as well *this one i let the pictures do the talking....
My Shutterfly

So yep... its kinda cool and all the high tea... then nearing the end... i won lucky draw number 30! lol won a multi-cooker..whatever that is. then arep was voted one of the best dressed among 3 others... and he won as well and he sempat did a dance while catwalking aha *berkat tengok saturday nite fever pat youtube* aha. The girl who won , was hot thats why she won aha. guys will always be guys huh? :D So yep arep wanted to take a photo with her so yep here it is...*OMG THE GIRL LOOKS MY COUZIN aha. but i dun think she is ah*

So since i din get the photo with the hot girl, nadiah... i took a photo instead with mls hot chick, ama*LOL* eh jgn marah ye. adelah sebab-sebabnye hua hua hua*



hehe. so here is the pic of girls contingent



Jantan-jantan hehe. *Faan tgh mencari kutu2 dlm tu rambot ah*



together2 heh. handsome jgak tu elvis tak menjadi eh? aha.



Heh and here is some random piccies.





Then we go bowling!!! *Nani caught a giant pikachu!* aha * look at how everybody loves ama*


aha thats all for the day... after that went back home alone... fled skejap till 12 am before going online hehe... so yep take care peeps!

Im tired...

I really meant it. im really really tired...literally tired...
not tired of layaning u all with probs or layaning ur feelings...
just that i have been slping at 5 or more for the past 5 days.
and im just soooooo tired... and i really need a rest.
so yep ill wither away for today....

and sry for being ultra tired on thursday. or look as if im sick...
its just coz im very tired and full of fatique that day.
slped only for 1 1/2 hrs... then play soccer lagik
hmm shd have followed ain and went home instead aha.

hmm kene "sound" plak tu.
Dah tahu penat, abeh masih nak ikut dorang lepak lepak!
pi balek tido kan lebih afdhal! aper dah!

aha ouch! heh.
anyway im off to rest. bsk match with spmls united.
ARGH I REALLY WNT TO PLAY STREET SOCCER WITH MY SEC SCH FRENS AGAIN
BUT WHY MUST IT ALWAYS CLASH WITH MY MATCH? ARGH ARGH ARGH! AHA.
oh well... takper lah...takdir illahi ....sorry eh korang.....

For You Bro...

Kawanku...
Ku hairan akan sikapmu...
Ku hairan akan perasaanmu...
Ku hairan mengapa engkau buat sebegitu

Kawanku...
Mengapakah harus kau menyimpan semua perasaanmu?
Mengapa harus kau menunggu hingga penuh?
Mengapa sampai Kau meletup baru mahu engkau melepaskan?

Ku hairan...
Akan sikapmu ya sebegitu
Yang mementingkan masalah orang lain sebelum dirimu sendiri
Yang sanggup membuat muka palsu di depan orang ramai
Hanya supaya dapat kau membantu mereka...

Mengapakah...
Mengapa harus engkau buat sebegitu?
Mengapa harus engkau menipu dirimu sendiri?
Mengapakah kau sanggup menunggu hingga kau meletup
Dan menyinggung hati kawan kawanmu yang mahu membantu?

Aku harap....
Kau berubah...
Kau luahkan perasaan tersembunyi mu itu...
Kau kisahkan dirimu dahulu sebelum yang lain...
Kau janganlah simpan hingga meletup...

Aku faham...
Bahawa kau sayangi kawan-kawanmu semua...
Kau kisah pasal kami semua...
Kau mahu kami gembira...
Tapi ini bukan caranya...

Luahkanlah...
Luahkanlah perasaanmu itu...
supaya dapat ku luahkan juga...
kerna aku tidak sanggup melebihkkan lagi bebanmu itu
Selagi kau tidak meringankan ia dahulu...

Bukan ku tak mahu...
Tetapi ku tak sanggup...
Akan keulangan hari itu...